"William Gruff: Oh, the troll on the bridge is going to kill me. I don't deserve to die for what I did - eating the troll's tin cans. Won't you help me? I'll always remember you guys in my prayers, I promise. I suppose if you think I should be beaten again, I'll follow you."

"Larry: Welcome to Crazy Larry's Leprechaun shop! My prices are so low, i must be insane! Oh, that's a good item. And at such a low price, how do I do it!? Well don't crowd me then. There are other customers waiting, you know."

"William Gruff: Help! Goat in trouble! Yous came just in time."

"Shrek: Looks like the elevator's stuck!"

"Magic Mirror: An act of death defying danger? Wet, narrow ledges that could lead to a horribly gruesome death? This sounds like a job for a true, swashbuckling hero! Puss in Boots, come on down! You're the next contestant on Hero Time!"

"Narrator: And so, our heroes found themselves overlooking miles of rolling farmland. For it seems the water Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch had magical properties. Despite Jack's broken crown and a possible skull fracture, he and Jill realized organic farming could make them a lot of gold. And they were right, because, really, who doesn't like a nice, juicy, all-natural salad the size of a dragon? A really fat dragon. I mean, seriously. Look at those carrots... That's a big salad."

"Gingerbread Man: Hey, you aren't Jack and Jill!"

"Pig: No, we are taking care of this place as Jack and Jill are on vacation."

"Pig 2: Ya but, we are not so good. We are lazy and pig out all day. Can you help us with some chores?"

"Shrek: Only if one of those chores includes delivering the package to Fairy Godmother's house."

"Pig: You've got a deal. Just walk the farm and look for one of us to get another chore. We lost Jill's favorite sewing needle. We were playing "Find the Needle in the Haystack." Turns out it's really hard. Can you help us? Excellent, now Jill might sew me a scarf for my chilly chin chin."

"Pig: The other pigs have accidentally cut down Jack's beanstalk! They thought it was a dandelion. I'm trying to grow another so Jack won't notice, But those fifthly rats keep eating it. Can you help me? Ooooh! You've made me happy as a pig... Wait, I am a pig! And happy! Gott in himmel! It's raining eggs! That Bertha doesn't know when to quit! I suppose I should never fed her that burrito. Can you catch the eggs so we can take them to market? Das good! You catch enough and I'll make you Denver omelet. We piggies need to get our water from a well at the top of Jack's Hill, but it's being guarded by giant tomatoes and these absolutely infernal pumpkins. It's very dangerous. Last week my Uncle Hans went up there and came back as side of bacon. Will you help us? Oh, I am just tickled pink... pink-er. You there! Stop! Help! Beasties! There! In the corn field! Got your attention, didn't i? Listen, these clucksters are eating the entire harvest. You guys mind giving me a hand here? Great! But careful you don't kill them. I don't want a field full of poultry-geists. Thank you for fixing the farm. Jack would have made chops out of us if you didn't help."

"Pig 2: Yah. Now take this delivery to Fairy Godmother."

"Gingerbread Man: You know what guys, I think I'm gonna stay behind and get some flour."

"Narrator: And so, Shrek, finally got his chance to ask the Fairy Godmother for a happily ever after potion. But he didn't just ask her. He showed her why he deserved one. He showed her everything from gadgets to gidgets, a graph, a pie chart and a pie to go with it. He showed her numbers, statistics, blab-jabbits and widgets-- He even showed her a couple of midgets. But the Fairy Godmother told him ogres aren't allowed to have happily ever afters. And so, her answer was..."

"Fairy Godmother: No, and now ogre you must go!"

"(Lil Red arrives)"

"Little Red Riding Hood: Hey, guys! I got my potion."

"Shrek: Well, apparently ogres don't get Happily Ever Afters."

"Donkey: We should just go in there and take it."

"Little Red Riding Hood: I know where the potions are. Follow me!"

"Fairy Godmother: You!"

"Little Red Riding Hood: Run! I'll hold her off!"

"Magic Mirror: The Fairy Godmother is one angry pixie and only Lil' Red and her basket of apples can clip her wings. I think we all know what that means. Yup, it's Hero Time!"

"Magic Mirror: Good job, but she'll be back, you know. And usually the coming back is followed by the evil spell casting, which is only fun if you want to spend the rest of your life a toilet brush. You might want to get back and help Shrek."

"Fairy Godmother: Wonderful, you're all back together. Now I can turn you all into rancid rump roast."

"Puss in Boots: I will defend us from the evil witch."

"Shrek: Kitty, she'll take five of your lives. Let's get out of here."

"Prince Charming: I'll get you, Shrek."

"Shrek: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Run!"

"Puss in Boots: Okay, let's get out of here and make sure the potion works."

"Narrator: No one knew what the potion would do. After Donkey did a taste test, Shrek chugged the potion, hoping it contained a happily ever after for him and Fiona. Nothing happened... At least at first. But then... in the middle of the rainy night, something unexpected happened. Shrek and Donkey underwent a massive transformation. Shrek was as handsome as a prince and Donkey his noble steed! Things seemed to be going great as the gang said thanks and goodbye to Lil' Red for now. But... after Shrek drank her potion, Fairy Godmother knew her son, Prince Charming, had a handsome rival for Fiona's affection. So she made sure he was locked away in the deepest, darkest dungeon of a Far Away Prison, where no escape was possible. What Fairy Godmother didn't count on was Shrek's friends finding out about his arrest through a concerned and extremely benevolent third party. So a jailbreak was planned, one that would most certainly test the fellowship of this thing."

"Tinkerbell: Alright, listen up. The mice will sneak into the Warden's office and get the keys to free the boys."

"Big Bad Wolf: But they’re blind..."

"Mice: Pardon you!"

"Tinkerbell: Alright, alright. But let's not forget Porkchop's brothers. We'll need their help."

"Pig: Oh zank you all! You will zave my brothers too, ya?"

"Pig 2: You! You owe me for my house! My insurance covered huffing! But not ze puffing!"

"Big Bad Wolf: Talk to my lawyer."

"Tinkerbell: Zip it, ladies. The mice must have been caught! No time for coffee breaks."

"Larry: Welcome to Larry's Discount House of Magic! We're slashing prices! Everything must go! Thank goodness! I thought i'd never unload that...I mean thank you for your business. No you weren't wasting my time...really."

"Gingerbread Man: Holy shortbread!"

"Big Bad Wolf: Oh, here they are, just hanging around."

"Donkey: Come on, wolf, no time to spare. We've got to get back to Far Far Away before the fat lady sings."

"Gingerbread Man: How are we gonna get them out of there?"

"Magic Mirror: Dressed for bed, but ready for action, Big Bad Wolf..."

"Big Bad Wolf: What? I know, I know. It's Hero Time."

"Magic Mirror: Ahem, yes, well, Wolf, your hero time is full of fabulous prizes and the key to free your pals. But in order to free your pals, you must survive the staircase of doom. Get ready for Hero Time!"

"Narrator: The only thing now standing between Shrek and Far Far Away was Mt. Grimm. Known amongst mountaineers as the heaping-ginormous-mound-o'-rubble-o' death. Big Bad Wolf, claiming to have been a big bad sherpa in his puppyhood, knew a shortcut--why go over a mountain when you can go through it? And remember, if Shrek and the bunch don't move fast... Prince Charming will kiss our unsuspecting Fiona. And Shrek will lose Fiona forever."

"Shrek: Our special charge team attack will get us through."