The Apprentice (British TV series)

"(The second firing) Sir Alan Sugar: Well if we're different then Paul,then maybe you've just answered it for me. Because I can't afford to gamble on you Paul. As experienced as I am, I've got to listen to what other people are saying to me, and there's too many vibes coming through to me that say Paul, I'm gonna have to let you go. You're Fired. (Slight pause) Paul Torrisi: Do you know? Before I came here, I didn't know a single person that had a bad word to say about me and I've taken nothing but criticism in the whole time that I've been here. Why is that? That I don't know anyone with a bad word to say about me, yet here I haven't got a single person to say a good word about me. Apart from the people that I've lived in the house with. Sir Alan Sugar: Why's that a good question? (Paul struggles to answer) Well go away and think about it. Paul Torrisi: Well, I've got nothing better to do now, have I?"

"Paul Kemsley: And what's my body language telling you? Saira Khan: Well, I would say that you're not very convinced by me... Paul Kemsley: No, you're right. I'm not completely convinced."

"This is not a game, this is a 12 week job interview (Sir Alan's opening line at the opening credits of Series 2)"

"Syed Ahmed: I grew up in the East End, and have had to work for everything, no handouts... (whenever he found himself in the firing line)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I've got your card marked. (to Syed)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Ben, name them. Two people that are coming back into this boardroom with you because one of you is gonna get fired. Ben Stanberry: Well, I'm very disappointed by the lack of loyalty, they didn't stand up to be counted; to be a leader, they put me out there. I took up the challenge... Sir Alan Sugar: I didn't ask you that question, I'm not looking for a lecture. Name the two people you'd think that didn't perform in this task, 'cause one of you is gonna get fired. Ben Stanberry: Samuel and Syed."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Tuan, you're being very quiet and it don't rub off on me just sitting back and letting everyone hang themselves. If anyone's going to be fired amongst you gentlemen today, who would you pick? Tuan Le: (instantly) Ben. Sir Alan Sugar: (somewhat surprised) You would? Tuan Le: Yes."

"Nargis Ara: Did you know that there are six million cat owners in the UK alone? (the opening line to all her pitches)"

"Nargis Ara: Ask me any questions. Virgin Megastores buyer: What sort of retail price are... Nargis Ara: (interrupting) I haven't finished speaking!"

"Mani Sandher: You don't have a clue what we're doing, do you? You don't have a clue what we're doing! Syed Ahmed: Well, why don't you explain it then... Mani Sandher: I can't be bothered to explain it to you, 'cause it'll take all day!"

"Syed Ahmed: (After the Harrods pitch and moving on to the Virgin pitch) We got annihilated! I still don't know what the retail price is! Paul Tulip: I can't believe they were asking us, "What do you think we should put the retail price on?" Eh?! Syed Ahmed: Thirty six hours! Paul Tulip: Thirty six hours you're meant to be doing that sort of thing!"

"Virgin Megastores buyer: (about Invicta's children's calendar) It's got a look of desktop publishing about it. Mani Sandher: Does it? Virgin Megastores buyer: I don't think we'll be able to pay more than £2.70-£2.75 for this. (silence)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I just don't know whether you're some sort of bloody nutter. (to Jo Cameron)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Do I need another corporate lawyer? The answer is no. Karen, you're fired!"

"Syed Ahmed: We need 100 chickens, we need 30 kilos of minced beef, and we need 45 kilos of gammon. So I'll repeat that again, 45 kilos of gammon, minced beef 30 kilos, chicken: 100 chickens. (on the phone to the wholesaler)"

"Paul Tulip: (In an Italian accent) You mess with me, I carve you up!"

"Nick Hewer: So that's 100 chickens and 100 chicken tikka pizzas, one chicken per pizza? Alexa Tilley: That... that sounds like a lot of chickens."

"Margaret Mountford: Velocity had a float of £2,000. They spent £1,097, and they took £1,423, so they made a profit of £326. Sir Alan Sugar: Right, okay. Nick? Nick Hewer: Well, Invicta were also given a budget of £2,000... they spent it. Sir Alan Sugar: They spent all of it? Nick Hewer: Yep, bar £6. Took only £1,186, which resulted I'm afraid in a thumping loss of £807. Sir Alan Sugar: LOSS! That's a first, chaps! That's a first!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: What a shower. What a bloody shower! (about the losing team)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I've set you lot a task and now have got to fire someone; quite frankly I'd like to get rid of the bleeding three of you. Tell me why I shouldn't get rid of you, now! Syed Ahmed: Because I'm a winner, Sir Alan, that's why. Sir Alan Sugar: You're not a bloody winner! You lost! Syed Ahmed: I've learnt from my mistakes, and I've learnt from this, definitely, and this well never happen again. Sir Alan Sugar: Business is not about come in, piss my money up the wall, "Oh, never mind, sorry you lost it, now you've learnt your lesson, you won't do it again." Syed Ahmed: I've learnt life the hard way, from a young age. Sir Alan Sugar: I hold you 100% responsible. Syed Ahmed: And I put in 150%. Sir Alan Sugar: I hold you 100% responsible! Syed Ahmed: I stepped up to the mark, and I... Sir Alan Sugar: I'm sorry, Syed, I hold you 100% responsible. But... (to Alexa) I warned you, I warned you severely about this. You have not come to the table today, I still don't understand what you did. He [Syed] should be going with you also... You're a very, very bad manager. You didn't manage this thing properly. You're a lightweight. You're fired! (brief pause) I'm really angry with this situation. Clear off! (Alexa, Syed and Tuan get up and start to leave. Before walking out the door, Syed turns to Sir Alan) Syed Ahmed: Thank you, Sir Alan, thank you for the opportunity. (leaves) Sir Alan Sugar: Cheeky bastard. "Thank you for the opportunity.""

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Mani Sandher) You think you did a good job? Mani Sandher: I did the best job I could. Sir Alan Sugar: (to Invicta) How did we get on here then? How do you like having a lady operating you then? Any good? (brief pause) Don't all rush. Tuan Le: Could be better. Sir Alan Sugar: (to Alexa Tilley) You think you did a good job? Alexa Tilley: I enjoyed it. I think we worked alright together as a team. Sir Alan Sugar: Anything else you've got to say chaps? Paul Tulip: I'd be very surprised if we won."

"The Invicta Chef: (on the argument between Samuel and Tuan) Welcome to the catering world."

"Sir Alan Sugar: It was dictated to you? By who? Syed Ahmed: By the chef. Sir Alan Sugar: What, the chef said 'Buy 100 chickens'? (doubtfully) You sure?"

"Alexa Tilley: I had to take my lead from Tuan and Syed because I don't have restaurant experience. Nick Hewer: Well, you did work in a pizza parlor, you told me. Alexa Tilley: Yes, I sold pizzas at Asda but I don't really have experience of quantities that would go into producing that number of pizzas."

"Paul Tulip: (to the camera) If I get brought back into the boardroom, I'm gonna laugh my head off and just absolutely annihilate Alexa. (In the end Paul wasn't brought back into the final boardroom)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I did have a preview of that tape before. Nick actually gave it to me and when he gave it to me, I thought he had mixed it up with one of his other videos, because to me it looks like a 1970s porno movie Debbie Does Dallas. (Nick and Ruth exchange amused looks)"

"Ruth Badger: Tell me what you mean by autocratic? Mani Sandher: I haven't got time for this - look it up in the dictionary. Ruth Badger: Okay. Patronising as well."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You seem to have gone from anchor to wanker! (to Mani Sandher)"

"Paul Tulip: How many stripes have you got? Syed Ahemd: I've got loads of stripes! Paul Tulip: No, let's have a look at how many stripes you've got under there 'cause the more you have, the more important you are. Syed Ahmed: (understanding Paul's question) I've got three. Paul Tulip: Oh! It's just that I've got four! (showing Syed his shoulder stripes)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (on reading Jo Cameron's CV) Says here she used to train Financial Directors for MG Rover. No wonder they went bloody skint."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Jo, you've been here too many times. It's a shame, but I thought you had more potential. But Jo, I'm sorry to say, this time, you're fired. Jo Cameron: I thought I expected this, because I accept the fact I've been here four times, but I think that what that demonstrates is that I've got the resilience of a survivor. I'm happy to go out here on the basis of like, being crap, but I don't believe that I am... Sir Alan Sugar: Jo, Jo. There comes a time when everybody - everybody - is saying the same thing, and even me, I will say 'You know what? Give it up Alan, enough's enough.' Jo, you're fired. Jo Cameron: Can I just ask one more time just to give me one last chance? Sir Alan Sugar: I'm afraid not. No I'm afraid not. That's it."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Samuel, can I ask you a direct question? Samuel Judah: Yes of course, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Do you think if you weren't there, it would have made any difference?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Samuel, with your hands in your pockets, not a salesman... (somewhat disdainfully) What did you do? Samuel Judah: I contributed with the idea that... Sir Alan Sugar: I tell you what. Do me a favor. Shut that book at the moment, I want to hear what you can do without your notes alright? Samuel Judah: (reluctantly) Fine. (he obeys) Sir Alan Sugar: Shut the book, put your pen down and talk to me. Stop looking at notes, okay? What did you do?"

"(After Invicta win the task, they are on their treat and have had their meal. But after the meal is a row between Paul and Michelle) Paul Tulip: Well, why did you care? Michelle Dewberry: What? Why can I not say... Narrator, Mark Halliley: Paul is accused of attacking Project Manager, Sharon behind her back. Paul Tulip: Apparently, last night I was "slagging" Sharon's management style, outside. Now that is bullshit! Sharon McAllister: No, but you did say that! Paul Tulip: Right, well... Michelle Dewberry: No, let me... Paul Tulip: Right, well....do you not think that...why is she so bothered about what we're doing? Michelle Dewberry: Wha... Who's she? Would that be me stood here? Paul Tulip: That would be you, yeah. Michelle Dewberry: 'Cause you two were having a conversation and you're acting like I'm not here... Paul Tulip: It's Chinese Whispers! By the time it gets to Sharon, it's completely different! Michelle Dewberry: And that's my fault? Syed Ahmed: Basically... Paul Tulip: It makes it look like we went outside last night and had a chat about Sharon! Sharon and the task wasn't even mentioned! We were talking about other... (In the background, Michelle and Syed also argue) Michelle Dewberry: But you're not listening to me! Paul Tulip: 'Cause you're talking shit! Michelle Dewberry: I don't think so, Paul! I don't think so! Paul Tulip: You are! You're talking absolute shit! Michelle Dewberry: Oh, fuck off! You're not even listening to me, Paul! Paul Tulip: 'Cause you're not making sense! You're not making sense! Michelle Dewberry: I've asked you a question! You don't even let me answer... Paul Tulip: Well, justify yourself then! You just tell me one thing that I've said... Michelle Dewberry: Why do I need to justify myself to you? Paul Tulip: Because you're talking shit! Michelle Dewberry: I don't think so. Paul Tulip: Well, tell me one thing I said about Sharon and I'll back off like I said. Michelle Dewberry: I repeated...right, what I've done in all of this is I said I made a mistake and I apologize to you because I'm repeating something that you told to Sharon which did center around you, and I apologize... Paul Tulip: Right, which you didn't even hear from my mouth! Michelle Dewberry: No! But... Paul Tulip: That's your mistake. You've passed on something to me that you didn't even hear me say... Syed Ahmed: Secondly...Secondly... Paul Tulip: Well that's just...(scoffs)What more can I say?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I'll promise you this. As sure as I've got a hole in my bloody arse, when it gets down to the Final Two, all these people who are saying nice things will not. (On Michelle and Ruth's friendship)"

"Ruth Badger: (after failing to sell a product) We put our lipstick on for him, and he was minging!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Shut, UP!! (to Syed Ahmed)"

"Sharon McAllister: (To Syed) I think you're an arrogant wanker, but good luck."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Syed..."

"Syed Ahmed: You couldn't close a barn door even if you tripped over it! (to Tuan)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Am I asking you ventriloquist? I'm talking to him!"

"Margaret Mountford: (after Tuan Le is fired) Tuan was just done in. Sir Alan Sugar: Yeah, Tuan was done (laughs)."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I'm struggling with the situation but I've come to a conclusion and my conclusion is this: that Tuan, I'm afraid to say you had your chance. You didn't perform on this particular task so Tuan, you're fired! Tuan Le: Thank you. Sir Alan Sugar: Thank you (Ruth and Tuan leave the boardroom but Syed remains seated) Syed Ahmed: I mean, Sir Alan... Sir Alan Sugar: Bye! (showing Syed the door) Ta-ra."

"Nick Hewer: He's all gong and no dinner (on Syed Ahmed)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: But I'm also sorry to say, Syed, despite some flashes of genius, you're too much of a risk for me. Syed, you're fired."

"Paul Tulip: I'm just a likable person who can get along with anyone"

"Sir Alan: Paul on Paul."

"(The first firing) Paul Tulip: There's plenty of people waiting for me. Sir Alan Sugar: Well, I've got to tell you Paul. You haven't convinced me today right? So Paul I'm letting you go. Paul, you're fired!"

"(The second firing) Sir Alan Sugar: Ansell, you're a very, very fine fellow. But Ansell, regretfully I've got to say to you, You're Fired."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Let's talk about Ansell. Claude Littner: When I saw his CV, I would have put it in the bin. But when I saw the man-I quite liked him."