Questionable Content

"Faye: Get used to it. Working at Coffee of Doom means subjecting yourself to a neverending parade of inventive nicknamery."

"Raven: Sometimes I can't tell whether you guys are friends or you hate each other."

"Dora: Yeah well FAYE'S beauty regimen involves a box of donuts, a shot of bourbon, and self-deception."

"Faye: Dora's beauty regimen involves goat's blood, grave dust, and a full STD test."

"Marten: Is there a word for when somebody does something completely illogical, but in a perfectly logical manner? Because I really could use that word right now."

"Tai: Dewey decimal system? Do we EVER!"

"Marten: What? Oh, I get it. Librarian humor."

"Tai: Oh, joyous day, you passed the test! You're hired."

"Marten: Is there a reason this [employment application] is written in iambic pentameter?"

"Faye: Is there a full moon tonight or something? There must be a reason every boy I know is acting RETARDED."

"Pintsize: If a guitar is a phallic symbol and keyboards are female, does that mean keytars are hermaphrodites? Hot."

"Marten: Really? I thought they were just novelty contact lenses."

"Dora: Can you see the little dollar signs in my pupils? Those little dollar signs represent PROFITS."

"Hannelore: You don't have to try very hard to play free-jazz. Just throw a saxophone down a flight of stairs."

"Dora: They should give RealDolls the ability to press charges. Although I guess that'd remove one of their major selling points."

"Marten: I think I exude a pheromone that causes existential conflict in ladies. I'm like some sort of rare Uncertainty Moth."

"Dora: Threesomes are a lot like Communism - they're a great idea on paper but in reality they rarely work well."

"Raven: Uh-huh! If anyone asks me for a drink I don't know how to make I'll just hit 'em with a carafe and drag 'em out back."

"Dora: You sure you can handle closing all by yourself, Raven?"

"Raven: I like how Axe body spray smells, but it doesn't make me want to hump inanimate objects like in the commercials. Which is sort of disappointing."

"Dora: Genghis Khan would have been totally emo over you."

"Faye: Life would be so much easier if violence really was a good way of solving problems. I wasn't meant to be a young lady of the 21st century, I was meant to be a Mongol warlord."

"Faye: No way. Sherman didn't burn the city and I'm not gonna let you do it either."

"Pintsize: Ooh, you're going to Savannah? Take me with you!"

"Dora: Cashmere is comfy, but it just can't compare with steaming human entrails."

"Raven: I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an AWESOME rack."

"Raven: "Frame of mind"? What does that have to do with dating? Be like Toucan Sam! Follow your nose! Or, uh, your junk. Be a horny Toucan Sam!"

"Dora: No I will NOT put on Dark Side of the Moon and The Wizard of Oz for you. Goddamned stoner cat."

"Mieville: Mewww mew?"

"Dora: You're useless when you're high on catnip, you know that?"

"Faye: Figures the first girl you bring home'd be a stalker."

"Faye: Now, the expected thing fer me to do here would be to flip out 'an make a big scene, but given what I've seen of Marty's prowess with th' ladies I'm guessin' there's a perfectly rational explanation fer all this."

"Pintsize: I don't know who you are but I like your style."

"Hannelore: Okay Hannelore, moral debate time. Do we leave quietly and hope the shock erased his short-term memory of this evening, or do we call the hospital and hope Faye doesn't come home soon?"

"Hannelore: Hey, I wouldn't be all that great myself. "Oh sure, you can mate with me once I've finished grooming my claws and OH GOD A PIECE OF APHID IS STUCK TO THEM I HAVE TO GO BOIL MYSELF AAGH""

"Marten: Man, I'd be the worst praying mantis ever. "Oh sure, you can bite my head off without mating with me, I understand. You have ISSUES.""

"Pintsize: What's this about squirrels and acid? Let me tell you, dissolving a squirrel is a lot more work than you think."

"Faye: When a housecat kills a human he is regarded as a god by his feline peers."

"Faye: The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage."

"Marten [to Steve]: I should probably stage an intervention or send you to detox or something, but your descent into the booze-madness is honestly pretty entertaining."

"Faye: You could plead not guilty by reason of insanity on my part. "The bitch was CRAZY, Your Honor!" The judge will let you off the hook and then invite you out for a beer so he can complain to you about his ex-wife and rebellious daughter."

"Marten: At this point it's either continue to be patient or kill you and dump your body in a ditch, and I wouldn't last five minutes in prison."

"Raven: You know, I never really got that phrase. All life isn't suffering. Sometimes there are parties and makeouts! And marijuana!"

"Raven: Me? Sarcastic? Of course not, I'm far too ditzy to grasp the subtleties of mockery."

"Dora: Well yeah, but not before they pay."

"Marten: Funny, I thought you advocated the murder of your patrons."

"Pintsize: Spontaneous kindness is to hipsters as high beams are to deer."

"Faye: I shop like Puritans have sex - in and out in three minutes, and only for the procreation of children."

"Steve: And as my dad says, "if she's good in bed and not a crazy bitch, she's a keeper.""

"Pintsize: It was like being hit by a freight train carrying eighty tons of SEX!"