"By the grace of God or I don't know what honey you have managed to Forrest Gump your way through this. If we run now, we're going to be running the rest of our lives."

"I need a lift in your el truck-o to the next town-o!"

"I don't know what it takes! I'm new in the fuck you business."

"Gene Hackman - Arnold Margolese"

"Castulo Guerra - Joe, The Pawnshop Owner"

"David Krumholtz - Beck"

"Michael Cerveris - Frank"

"Sherman Augustus - Leroy"

"Bob Balaban as Bernie Nayman"

"J. K. Simmons - Ted Slocum"

"James Gandolfini - Winston Baldry"

"Julia Roberts - Samantha Barzel"

"Brad Pitt - Jerry Welbach"

"love with the safety off"

"Bette Midler - Barbara Stone"

"Jeannine Bisignano - Hooker in Car"

"Phyllis Applegate - Loan Officer"

"Gary Riley - Heavy Metal Kid"

"J.E. Freeman - Bedroom Killer"

"Clarence Felder - Lt. Walters"

"Art Evans - Lt. Bender"

"Bill Pullman - Earl Mott"

"Abita Morris -Carol Dodsworth"

"Helen Slater -Sandy Kessler"

"Judge Reinhold - Ken Kessler"

"Danny DeVito - Sam Stone"

"Sam Stone's wife has just been kidnapped... And he doesn't want her back!"

"A tale of two kidnappers who wanted to be merciless but turned out to be hopeless."

"So, if I look like his mother and you look like his father, this is what our son would look like. Pretty strong argument for birth control."

"Oh my God! I've been kidnapped by Huey and Dewey!"

"[answering the phone] Hello? Debbie? Yeah, Debbie's here. Who is this? Well Ralph, Debbie can't talk right now. My dick's in her mouth. How about if I have her call you back later when I'm done? [hangs up] I love wrong numbers."

"[complaining about his wife's wealthy father] They pulled the plug on him. He wheezed and shook for about an hour and then... he stabilized. That son-of-a-bitch just got older and sicker, and older and sicker, AND OLDER AND SICKER...!"

"[introducing his wife's toy poodle to his new Doberman pinscher] Muffy, meet Adolph. Adolph, EAT MUFFY!"

"I want the rest of that money. His money, her money, it's my money. I've had to live with that squealing, corpulent, little toad all these years. God, I hate that woman! I-I... I hate the way she licks stamps! I hate her furniture! And I hate that little sound she makes when she sleeps..."

"I never met so many stupid people in one day."

"Grant Aleksander - Bartender at "Mickey's Bar," the gay bar"

"Nathan Davis - Jimmy Ellis"

"Darlene Conley as Gladys Ripps"

"Simmy Bow - Schultz"

"Billy Barty - Philly"

"Monty Ash - Vince"

"Eli Wallach - Leon B. Little"

"Darlanne Fluegel - Skye"

"Dana Carvey - Richie Evans"

"Alexis Smith - Belle"