"Sergeant major Zack Carey believed in Truth, Justice and America. Until the sheriff of a little town put his only son into jail of a crime he hadn't done. And now sergeant major Zack Carey has changed his mind. (original Finnish poster tagline)"

"Glenne Headly - Rita Robbins"

"John Marshall Jones - Sgt. Henshaw"

"Steve Park - Capt. Moon"

"[On the phone] Listen, that M2 Bradley Fighting Vehicle is property of the United States Army; I want it back on the post by tonight! We have rules! Rules and regulations! [Turns to light a match on a sign that says "NO SMOKING", then lights a cigarette] I have your rental agreement right here. And if you blow anything up, it's coming out of your deposit! [Hangs up and sighs irritably] Teenagers. So irresponsible!"

"[talking to Major Thorn over alleged anomalies in Bilko's platoon] You know, for all the differences I've had with Bilko over the years, I have to admit- I've always kind of liked him. The way he kept up the men's morale; the way he'd pretend to cry, when I went on leave. The way- every year, on my birthday- he'd have the men mow my name on the main lawn, with a big heart around it."

"Steve Martin - MSgt. Ernest "Ernie" Bilko, USA"

"Phil Hartman — Major Colin Thorn, USA"

"A tank a day keeps the law away. (DVD tagline)"

"Dan Aykroyd - Col. John T. Hall, USA"

"Sergeant-Major Zack Carey takes the law into his own hands with help from his own personal tank (Video Australia)"

"Thank you. Thank you. There comes a time in every public figure's career when he has to think about his future."

"[to Erin Grant] Hey, you only got two hours! That's what the judge ruled right there from that bench! [referring to Angela] I'll be right behind you, just in case you're thinking about snatching her!"

"Thank you. Thank you. You're too kind. You're too kind. What a privilege for me to be here with you good people tonight, and to talk about an issue that is critical to this campaign and to all of the American people. I'm talking about the issue of family values."

"I see men, sixty, seventy years old breaking their balls to stay fit! What for? When I die, I want to be sick, not healthy."

"Men are such cocksuckers aren't they? You don't have to answer that. It's true. They're scared. Their dicks get limp when confronted by a woman of obvious power and what do they do about it? Call them witches, burn them, torture them, until every woman is afraid. Afraid of herself... afraid of men... and all for what? Fear of losing their hard-on."

"Carel Struycken - Fidel"

"Michelle Pfeiffer - Sukie Ridgemont"

"Veronica Cartwright - Felicia Alden"

"Susan Sarandon - Jane Spofford"

"Richard Jenkins - Clyde Alden"

"Cher - Alexandra Medford"

"Keith Jochim - Walter Neff"

"Sorry, uh, just having a little trouble, a little trouble at home. A little domestic problem. Nothing to be alarmed at. Just a little female problem. Hi. [he vomits] Don't pay any attention. It's a cheap trick. Anybody can do it. I taught it to them myself. Ungrateful little bitches, aren't they? May I ask you something? You're all church-going folk. I really want to ask you something. Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman? Huh? No shit! I really want to know. Or do you think it was just another one of his minor mistakes like tidal waves, earthquakes, floods! Do you think women are like that? [he pukes again] What's the matter? You don't think God makes mistakes? Of course He does. We all make mistakes! Of course, when we make mistakes, they call it evil! When God makes mistakes, they call it nature. [laughs] So whaddya think? Women. A mistake?! Or did He DO IT TO US ON PURPOSE!? Because I really want to know! Because if it's a mistake, maybe we can do somethin' about it! Find a cure! Invent a vaccine! Build up our immune systems! [more chuckling] Get a little exercise! You know, twenty push-ups a day, and you never have to be afflicted with women EVER AGAIN!"

"[Last lines] [Daryl appears on the multiple video monitor screens] Take it easy. We don't want the whole household in here, do we, boys? That's it. Good boys, we're gonna do just fine. Now come on, come on to daddy and gimme a big kiss. Come on, good boys, come on. Come on, come to daddy, cootchie, cootchie, cootchie, coo.[sounds of babies overlapping] That's it, come on, come on. come on. [laughs, his face then reacts in dismay as the scene cuts to the three witches approaching, with Sukie holding the montitors' remote control] Aw ladies, come on. [Sukie presses the "off" button, turning off the screen and ending the film]"

"Something wicked this way comes."

"Three beautiful Witches, One lucky Devil"

"Three Beautiful Women. One Lucky Devil."

"Jack Nicholson - Daryl Van Horne"

"Wong Chi-Ming – Man"

"Leung Sun – The 2nd May, who works at the 'Midnight Express'"

"Chan Kam-Chuen – Manager of the takeaway restaurant 'Midnight Express'"

"Kwan Lee-na – Richard"

"Choh Chung-Sing – Man"

"Faye Wong – Faye"

"Takeshi Kaneshiro – He Qiwu, nicknamed Ah Wu, Cop 223"

"Tony Leung Chiu-Wai – Cop 663"

"Valerie Chow – Flight attendant who breaks up with Cop 663"

"Brigitte Lin – Woman in blonde wig"

"Thom Baker – Double-crossing drug dealer"

"[to Faye about previous restaurant's owner] He has great business sense. First he sold me fish and chips, then the whole thing."

"Somehow I've become very cautious. When I put on a raincoat, I put on sunglasses too. Who knows when it will rain, or when it will turn out sunny?"

"[after his date failed to meet him in "California" restaurant] Actually she did go to California that evening. But it was the other one."

"Actually, really knowing someone doesn't mean anything. People change. A person may like pineapple today and something else tomorrow."

"I thought we'd stay together for the long haul, flying like a jumbo jet on a full tank. But we changed course."