"Sherri Ann Cabot: Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."

"Scott Donlan: She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig."

"And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten."

"Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?"

"Tim Matheson — Vance Wilder Sr."

"Tara Reid — Gwen E. Pearson"

"Kal Penn — Taj Mahal Badalandabad"

"Ryan Reynolds — Van Wilder"

"All the girls want him. All the boys want to be him."

"Born to be wilder!"

"No party gets started until it gets wilder."

"If you're going for an advanced degree in partying...Why graduate?"

"Don't Graduate. Celebrate."

"The Tradition Continues"

"Prof. McDoogle: Apathy is the glove in which evil slips its hand."

"Applicant: I see a rabbi. And he's performing a circumcision...on himself though."

"Jeannie: It was the greatest ten seconds. Ever."

"Vance Wilder, Sr: Sweet Joseph, my son's a fairy."

"Richard: You do not call her that, Gonad!"

"You...you...you....you pussy ass mother fucker dick sucker!"

"This is the White Barry."

"Tit! Oh mummy. Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred, but, I hear milk I think giant jugs. You see, I can not go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. [Van Wilder spits out his water] To-to-to smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby, you know? And get it waxed. You know, I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. You know, air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder."

"Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be."

"I learned a long time ago you can't treat every situation like it's life and death. Cause you'll die a lot of times."

"Oh God. If he's here who's running hell?"

"Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!"

"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive."

"Write that down."

"Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy..."

"I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's."

"Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! [under breath] Not that you had to."

"Her name is Naomi. That's 'I MOAN' backwards."

"You must be Pre-Med Dick."

"All this time I thought I was more to you than some flaccid story."

"Don't be a fool, wrap your tool."

"Don't be a fool, stay in school."

"Sharing a half-calf latte and a penalty box with Gwen Pearson who believes that censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself."

"And thus, 'Topless Tutors' was born."