"Annette: I shoved your tap shoes in my panties before I was blown out of the house, you go find the guy who cut them off, he'll give 'em to you so you can practice for the pageant."

"Tammy: Maybe other people think I can't win a beauty pageant, but other people didn't think I could beat out Becky Leeman for President of the gun club either, and I did. It's just like Anthony Robins says, "I'm a winner, nobody can stop me, but me"."

"I chose Mount Rushmore, 'cause to live in a country where you can take an ugly old mountain and put faces on it, faces of great Americans who did so much to make our country super great, well that makes me, Rebecca Leeman, proud to be an American."

"My Mom gave me this 9mil for my birthday, I'll always remember what she wrote in the card. "Jesus loves winners". That's why, no matter what I do, I aim to win."

"Oh my God! My baby. That swan ate my baby. Baby, please, get out, we gotta go to State!"

"Oh no, my mom never kept a secret of the fact my dad chose his career over us. What was it she used to say? Once a carnie, always a carnie. Mom still cries every time she sees a tilt-a-whirl or a fat lady in a tube top."

"Hello Father Donnagan, sidewalks? sidewalks? Iris, stop it, it's not his fault. The communal wine just proves too tempting for some of them."

"James Marsden - Jack Bartlett"

"Marla Sokoloff - Lisa"

"Sara Marsh - Lucy "The Brain""

"Alexandra Holden - Fern "The Terminator""

"Melissa George - Cleo "The Stalker""

"Mena Suvari - Kansas "The Rebel""

"Rachel Blanchard - Hannah "The Virgin""

"Marley Shelton - Diane "The Mastermind" West"

"Get ready to cheer for the bad girls!"

"Hannah: Oh my God, I'm gonna be someone's bald bitch!"

"Jack: There are only three things I want in life. To, one day, become a senator of this great state (crowd cheer)... I wanna lead the mighty Lincolns to victory in the homecoming game (crowd cheer)... And I wanna go to the homecoming dance with Diane West. (Crowd gasp... then cheer!)"

"(Cheerleaders shout "Hey, ho, let's go".) I don't know about they "hey" part, but "ho" is right on the money."

"Jack was fine. Man, was he fine! It was like he was a bar of chocolate and the whole school was on the rag."

"Now I know it's my job to give you all the facts, so, I'm gonna have to says their cheer blew like a bulemic after Christmas dinner."

"Truth is, they're so close, they all get their monthly visit from Aunt Rose at the same time."

"You know, even the most beautiful flowers still grow from dirt. And we may be knee-deep in it right now, but we're gonna grow strong from this."

"Morning sunshine. Remember, except for the morning sickness, the blinding back-pain and the embarrassingly unpredictable gas, these are the best days of your life... so far."

"It's off. I can't take the fighting, the back-stabbing, the open hostility. We're not acting like cheerleaders, we're acting like a bunch of sorority girls!"

"I'm not gonna get an abortion, I always planned on getting married and having kids, I'm just going a little out of order. It kinda reminds me of another young lady, who found herself with child, unmarried, on a long, long road with no place to sleep. Of course that was a long, long time ago. No matter what, she held her head high, and said, "Papa, don't preach, I'm in trouble deep. Papa, don't preach, 'cause I've made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby."

"No one ever got ahead by sitting on their behind."

"Morning sunshine. Remember, these are the best days of your life, so far. (winks)"

"John Forsythe — Charlie"

"Luke Wilson — Pete"

"Matt LeBlanc — Jason"

"Crispin Glover — The Thin Man"

"Kelly Lynch — Vivian Wood"

"Tim Curry — Roger Corwin"

"Sam Rockwell — Eric Knox"

"Bill Murray — Bosley"

"Freeze in hell, Batman!"