"Cameron: Maybe I should thank someone else. Someone who's really been there, someone who taught me a lot, about poetry and Shakespeare, and just, y'know, stayin' awake, man. Someone who's just an overall great guy, a great teacher... to Howard Brackett from Greenleaf, Indiana! And he's gay. Y'know, I've been thinking alot about this night, and I've decided to dedicate this whole night to a great, gay teacher. Mr. Brackett, WE WON!"

"Glenn Close: [at the Academy Awards] This is Cameron's first nomination and he's in extremely good company. Tonight he joins fellow best actor nominee Paul Newman for "Coot", Clint Eastwood for "Codger", Michael Douglas for "Primary Urges" and Steven Seagal for "Snowball in Hell"."

"Well, how did you do... prissy boy?"

"Truly manly men do NOT dance."

"Think of John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold doesn't dance, he can hardly walk."

"For God's sake, don't shake that booty!"

"Excuse me, are we a little teapot?"

"[Yelling outside the bar after Howard won't marry her because he is gay and after Peter Malloy turns down her advances because he is also gay] Is everybody gay? Is this The Twilight Zone?"

"I need a heterosexual male, CODE RED!"

"I just came out! At my wedding!"

"This is my Peter - uh, my friend Peter. We just met at the, uh, intersexual... homosection... INTERSECTION!"

"Class: so, uh, where were we? Romantic poetry. Shakespeare. Talented. English. Dead."

"Bill Cobbs — Moses the Clock Man"

"Bruce Campbell — Smitty, Argus reporter"

"Jennifer Jason Leigh — Amy Archer"

"I.M. Hobson - Myron Addison, a Board Member"

"Jim True-Frost — Buzz the Elevator Operator"

"A Comedy of Invention."

"I used to think you were a swell guy. Well, to be honest, I thought you were an imbecile. But then I figured out you WERE a swell guy... A little slow, maybe, but a swell guy. Well, maybe you're not so slow, But you're not so swell either. And it looks like you're an imbecile after all!"

"Don't you remember how you used to feel about the hoop? You told me you were gonna bring a smile to the hips of everyone in America, regardless of race, creed or color. Finally there'd be a thingumajig that would bring everyone together -- even if it kept 'em apart, spatially."

"Why he has a face only a mother could love... on payday."

"Well, come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya!"

"Moron. That's a five-letter word for "imbecile"!"

"I'll stake my Pulitzer on it!"

"This better be good. I'm in a bad mood."

"Not that way, through the door!"

"Up! Up on your feet! We don't crawl here at Hudsucker Industries."

"[repeated line] Sure, sure."

"Say, buddy, who's the most liquid businessman on the street? Waring Hudsucker! Say buddy, when is a sidewalk fully dressed? When it's Waring Hudsucker! You get it buddy! It's a pun, it's a knee-slapper, it's a play on- Jesus, Joseph, and Mary! Is that a Blue Letter! Christ Almighty, why didn't you tell a guy! Hold on folk, we'll express to the top floor."

"Say, buddy, what takes fifty years to get up to the top floor and thirty seconds to get down? Waring Hudsucker! Ya get it, buddy?"

"Hiya, buddy, my name's Buzz. I got the fuzz I make the elevator do what she does."

"And that's the story of how Norville Barnes climbed waaay up to the forty-fourth floor of the Hudsucker Building, and then fell all the way down but didn't quite squish hisself. You know, they say there was a man who jumped from the forty-FIFTH floor? But that's another story."

"And Norville, he went on an' ruled with wisdom and compassion and started dreamin' up them excitin' new ideas again."

"And so began 1959, the new year. When he learned that Norville owned the comp'ny, ol' Sidney was upset at first. It's a good thing Doc Bromfenbrenner was there because he was able to keep Sidney from harmin' his ol' self."

"[having just rammed a broom handle through a clock, thus freezing time. Line spoken to camera] Strictly speaking, I'm never supposed to do this. But you have any better ideas?"

"[Prologue] That's right. New York. It's 1958. Anyway, for a few more minutes it is. Come midnight it's gonna be 1959. A whole 'nother feelin'. The New Year. The future. Yeah ole daddy Earth fixin' to start one more trip 'round the sun and everybody hopin' this ride 'round be a little more giddy, a little more gay. Yep, all over town champagne corks is a-poppin'. Over in the Waldorf the big shots is dancin' to the strains of Guy Lombardo. Down in Times Square the little folks is a watchin' and waitin' for that big ball to drop. They all tryin' to catch hold of one moment of time. To be able to say "Right now! This is it! I got it!" 'Course by then it'll be past. But they all happy, everybody havin' a good time. Well, almost everybody. They's a few lost souls floatin' 'round out there. Now if ya'll ain't from the city, we have something here called "the rat race." Got a way of chewing folks up so that they don't want no celebrating, don't want no cheerin' up, and don't care nothing 'bout no New Year's. Out of hope. Out of rope. Out of time. This here is Norville Barnes. That office he's steppin' out of is the office of the president of Hudsucker Industries. It's his office. How'd he get so high? And why is he feelin' so low? Is he really gonna do it? Is Norville really gonna jelly up the sidewalk? Well, the future, that's something you can't never tell about. But the past, that's another story."