"Focker, there is no way I'm going to an ER room with this thing. Now you need to stick me and you need to stick me now! I'm having a dick attack! Stick me!"

"If I go down, Greg, I need to know someone will be responsible for the whole Byrnes clan. So I ask you, Greg, are you prepared to be... the Godfocker?"

"Like I always tell you, there's nothing wrong with spying as long as you suspect foul play. So, who's Andi?"

"Who's Andi?"

"Mmm-hmm. And what do they fight about?"

"What about Mommy and Daddy, is everything okay with them?"

"That's disgusting."

"[sternly] Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?"

"Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?"

"We've had this date since the beginning, Greg."

"[as Jack is being loaded into an ambulance, to Greg] Focker!"

"I'm watching you."

"You volunteered!"

"Could you and Dad keep it down, please?"

"[about The Early Human School] It's actually considered the Harvard of kindergartens."

"[after meeting Andi] Wow, you told me she sold boner medicine, Greg. You didn't tell me she *is* boner medicine."

"Hey, Bernie!"

"Will you get out of here so I can shtup my wife?"

"My two cents. The way you deal with Jack, no matter what he does, just smother that guy with kisses. He'll be putty in your hands."

"Let me talk. Listen, will you?"

"I never went soft on you."

"I pulled my hamstring doing a reverse cowgirl!"

"[to Roz, on a three-way call with Greg] Why can't you support my dreams the way I've always supported yours? When you wanted to try new sex positions for your research, I was your guinea pig!"

"But do it only when it's dry. Don't do a wet one."

"[in a ballet school] I think we all experienced our own ballet today. A ballet of emotion, and feelings."

"This was a very clever idea."

"How do they walk away in movies when it explodes behind them? There's no way! I call bullshit on that. When they flew the Millennium Falcon out of the Death Star and it was followed by the explosion, that was bullshit!"

"[while flying in a car through the air towards several drug runners who are firing machine guns at him as he returns fire with a pistol in each hand] You have the right...to remain...SILENT...but I wanna hear you SCREAM!"

"Ay, ay, ay! Ay, you shut your face! If we wanna hear you talk, I will shove my arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet! You hear me?! You hear me?! Cast off!"

"All the gun fights, all the car chases, all the sex we don't want to have with women but we have to...is all due to what you guys do. Thank you."

"Did someone call nine one HOLY SHIT?!"

"[while showing badge] Police, shithead!"

"And when I come back and bust your ass, we are locking David Ershon in the Federal Reserve!"

"I'm a peacock, you gotta let me fly!"

"Captain, you really want to disarm this guy? Take out the batteries in the calculator."

"Gator needs his gat, you punk-ass BITCH!"

"You turned my beautiful Prius into a nightmare!"

"[while interrogating Ershon] I'm gonna make you eat a plate of human shit!"

"Tracy Morgan as himself"

"Rosie Perez as herself"

"Brooke Shields as herself"

"Derek Jeter as himself"

"Thomas Middleditch as gallery attendee"

"Horatio Sanz as gallery owner"

"Ice-T as Narrator (uncredited)"

"Anne Heche as Pamela Boardman (uncredited)"

"Zach Woods as Douglas"