Grandma's Boy

"Hello? ...Cool. I hope it's a naked dude with a boner."

"I love my turtle."

"[robot voice] Adiós, turd nuggets."

"Oh, yeah... Careful is my middle name, heh. Actually, it's not, it's Philip. [sobs]"

"How can he see me?"

"But underneath this genius...I'm simply a human. You know. But I'm working on that."

"Does it scare you, Kain?"

"It's the future of gaming."

"You would if you had robot ears."

"I want to get you a black cobra just to go around the neck..."

"[robot voice] I hate your face!"

"[robot voice] I am not amused."

"[robot voice] Please sit on my face."

"[robot voice] I want you to drink from my man faucet."

"[robot voice] Must ingest more fuel."

"[when Alex asks him how his game is going that he is developing] People will bow to it."

"[robot voice, in dismay] SAMANTHA is fucking ALEX!"

"You will never have metal legs."

"All I've ever cared about was video games and they made me a millionaire. So maybe I don't know what the Civil War was, or who invented the helicopter, even though I own one. But I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk."

"I'm thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it."

"It's a wonderful dandelion/nettle blend. Very cleansing. Good for new beginnings."

"Later you guys!"

"I had a dream last night. I dreamt I was a dove flying over the sea. And then I dove into the ocean... And I swam with the dolphins. I was two animals joined as one...which meant - good things are coming. Good things."

"Oh, ok, ok... Fair enough, yeah, rage it up. Rage all you want. Good things are coming. Good things."

"I had a dream last night. I was a snake slithering through the grass, until I came upon a dead elk, and I climbed into his soul, and it's there I stayed until morning, which meant I will underestimate someone very close to me."

"[playing video game] Uh-uh, wait your turn. I'm on a roll here. Take that, you dirty dopers!"

"[Responding to Grandpa having a few beers at the party, if he was alive] He would have had twenty! No, he had a problem..."

"I can hear my hair growing."

"Who wants some cereal? (yeah Colonel Crackers is the best) Oh, I just wish he would hop off the box and hang out with us. I think he's so cute!"

"(guess I'm not high enough to get that one) You know what else you're not gonna get, party pooper? The Colonel! Here you go, sweetie. [gruff voice] Sucks to be you, nerd!"

"You want an ice cream sandwich? They're on whole wheat with lettuce."

"I didn't know you were bringing people. I would've trimmed my antlers!"

"That's sweet. Let's see... You're my, uh... I dunno, three-thousand something."

"I'll give you my grandson's number, he's gay too."

"Oh, you can stay as long as you like and love any man you choose!"

"Thanks, Alex. Maybe tomorrow you can introduce them to heroin."

"Thank you, Mr. President."

"I'm an Antique."

"Space shuttle."

"I wanna eat the TV."

"Dragonflies?"

"Go, monkey! Karate chop the elephant!"

"Oh my God! I am naked... Come on in!"

"Suck those jugs, kid!"

"The phone is for you. I think it's the Devil!"

"Dude, anyone can get past a dog, nobody fucks with a lion!"

"Hey, chill, bro. You know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion is here!"

"So I looked up in my tree, and there was the fuckin' king of the jungle staring at me. So I called the five-O!"

"It's called the Brown Bomber. It'll get you so stoned, you'll shit your pants!"

"I'll smoke it with you, bro. We'll go to the looney bin together. I don't give a fuck!"