"[lamenting to his agent about being passed over for choice roles and the agent could hardly get a word edgewise] White boys get all the Oscars. It's a fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No and you know why? 'Cause I ain't played none of them slave roles, or get my ass whipped. That's when you get the nominations. Black dude play a slave role, gets his ass whipped, gets the nomination, white boy play an idiot, they get the Oscar. Find me a script as a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar."

"The Con is On."

"[looking at FedEx truck coming into his street] See that FedEx truck? Every day, it delivers important papers to people all around the world. And one day, it is going to stop here, and a man is going to walk up and casually toss a couple of FedExes on my desk. And at that moment, we- and by we, I mean me - will be important."

"Steve Martin as Robert "Bobby" Bowfinger"

"Rosemarie Hillcrest as Topless Galley Slave (uncredited)"

"Eddie Murphy as Kit Ramsey / Jefferson "Jiff" Ramsey"

"Alejandro Patino as Sanchez"

"Edward Sinclair as Park attendant (uncredited)"

"Rita Webb as Woman in Park (uncredited)"

"Jimmy Clitheroe as Passenger on Ship (uncredited)"

"Nosher Powell as Ike Jones (uncredited)"

"Sean Barry-Weske as John Lennon lookalike (uncredited)"

"Yul Brynner as Transvestite cabraet singer (uncredited)"

"John Le Mesurier as Sir John (uncredited)"

"Kimberly Chung as Yoko Ono lookalike (uncredited)"

"Guy Middleton as Duke of Mantisbriar (uncredited)"

"John Snagge as TV commentator"

"Alan Whicker as TV commentator"

"Harry Carpenter as TV commentator"

"Graham Chapman as Oxford crewman (uncredited)"

"James Laurenson as Oxford crewman (uncredited)"

"George Cooper as Losing Boxer's Second (uncredited)"

"Alfred De Contreas as Martinez"

"Michael Barratt as TV commentator"

"Michael Trubshawe as Sir Lionel"

"David Lodge as Ship's guide"

"Roland Culver as Sir Herbert"

"Peter Graves as Lord at ship's bar"

"Edward Underdown as Prince Henry"

"Jeremy Lloyd as Lord Hampton"

"Robert Raglan as Maltravers"

"Peter Myers as Lord Kilgallon"

"Clive Dunn as Sommelier"

"Fred Emney as Fitzgibbon"

"Peter Bayliss as Pompous Toff"

"David Hutcheson as Lord Barry"

"Victor Maddern as Hot dog vendor"

"Hattie Jacques as Ginger Horton"

"Frank Thornton as Police Inspector"

"Terence Alexander as Mad Major"

"Dennis Price as Winthrop"

"Wilfrid Hyde-White as Capt. Reginald K. Klaus"

"Laurence Harvey as Hamlet"

"Christopher Lee as Ship's vampire"