"Yeah, real funny, man... so funny I forgot to laugh..."

"Hey, scratch my balls, man... anybody scratch my balls!"

"The only way to catch a doper is when you yourself become a smoker. The surest way to make them bleed is when you bus…"

"You know we cannot trust our own instincts, now I want you send this down to the analyzer and have it labbed. I'll ta…"

"Would you like to have a hamburger?"

"You're the guy from the hamburger train, right? Yeah, the hambur- [sniffs]"

"The story of two enterprising young men who make an amazing amount of money selling ice cream."

"The High Life Never Tasted So Good!"

"Cheech Marin - Cheech"

"[talking to his plants] Ooh, Oaxaca. Ooh, sensi. How are you, my darling? Oh, God, your buds are getting so big. I ha…"