"Fuckaire, the only thing I want to say is: you've kept me in a dungeon, and you've beaten me, and you've tortured me, and you even kissed me. And, I want these people to know that the only thing you've really done is make me really, really hungry."

"Rikki Marin - Princess II"

"Dan Schwarz - Tax Collector #2"

"Martin Pepper - Martin"

"Tommy Chong - Lucian Corsican"

"Tickle your buns with a feather! Aheeee!"

"Now you know what I want you to do, don't you? And it ain't prayin', cop."

"You can always smell the excitement in the air."

"Hans Man in 't Veld - Promoter"

"Susan Hahn - Hotel Maid"

"Carla van Amstel - Queen Beatrix"

"You ever had a taco? I guess they don't have tacos in France. I remember one time this restaurant I used to work... err... I mean, own. They had a contest to see who could eat the most. I ate 143, and I was still hungry, but they had to close the restaurant."

"Cheech Marin - Louis Corsican"

"Shelby Chong - Princess I"

"Jennie C. Kos - The Pregnant Mother"

"Yvan Chiffre - Tax Collector #1"

"Jean-Claude Dreyfus - Marquis Du Hickey"

"Serge Fedoroff - Nostrodamus"

"Rae Dawn Chong - The Gypsy"

"Roy Dotrice - The Evil Fuckaire/Ye Old Jailer"

"Believe me, if you weren't a woman, I'd kiss you for that."

"Don't be a stupid Fuckaire."

"[singing, as a Jamaican dope dealer in TV movie] Dope! Do-o-o-o-pe! How come nobody don't want to buy no dope? Dope, I say dope I say do-o-o-o-o-pe. Who wants to buy dope?"

"We should have a dope-a-thon. You know try to raise money for like all the people that lost their crops."

"[sings] Got one leg on my shoulder. Two legs on my shoulder. [muffled singing continues]"

"[as Blind Melon Chitlin] I wanna sing a little tune I wrote one day while I was beatin' my old lady. It's called "GOING DOWNTOWN GONNA SEE MY GAL"."

"Cheech Marin - Cheech"

"Tommy Chong - Chong "Man""

"Carol van Herwijnen - Hotel Manager"

"Shireen Strooker - Assistant Manager"

"Mariette Bout - Barge Waitress"

"Dave Coulier - Man with Tongue in Restaurant"

"Rip Taylor - Himself"

"Ruby Wax - Restaurant Patron"

"Tony Cox - Midget Nut (Credited as Joe Anthony Cox)"

"Sandra Bernhard - Girl Nut"

"Vanaghan S. Housepian - Henchman"

"Shelby Chong - French Girl #1"

"Aaron Freeman - Cop in Ghetto"

"Tim Rossovich - Detective Noodles"

"Mike Friedman - Car Rental Agent"

"You're the guy from the hamburger train, right? Yeah, the hambur- [sniffs]"