"See, as the mainspring goes back and forth, the bishop keeps fucking her in the ass. It's a genuine antique and it ke…"

"And so there I am on the first day, on the set, and there's this guy fucking me from behind, right, and there's these…"

"There's a reason the horse is sixty to one though, y'know, he's probably got polio."

"I'm sure you're a state-of-the-art fellatrix."

"This guy's gonna put me in 27 separate Mason jars!"

"Adopt? What? I don't want to adopt. Not with my genes. I have award-winning genes."

"Woody Allen - Lennie Weinrib"

"Mira Sorvino - Linda Ash"

"Helena Bonham Carter - Amanda Weinrib"

"F. Murray Abraham - Greek Chorus leader"