"[Opens a flask in before courtroom judge] Your honor, I still got a pretty good jump shot. Let me show you. [He takes…"

"[Referring to Christmas/Hanukkah holidays] It ain't a better time of year. You got no school, you can eat like a pig,…"

"[To Whitey after toppling the port-a-pottie with him in it down a hill] Smell ya later, poopsicle."

"[Davey comes over to see a disgusting sight: Whitey’s butt cheeks are covered with white, furry hair as Whitey puts a…"

"[Referring to obese boy on basketball court] Foul on this kid, for eating everything in sight. Jelly-jugs, the next t…"

"[To Whitey] You actually give a crap about winning a patch?"

"[To the mayor sarcastically thanking him for destroying the ice sculpture] I didn't do it for you. [Does air plank li…"

"Good night, mayor! And the answer to your question is Spencer's gifts. They definitely have furry underwear!"

"Technical foul! Technical foul!"

"JENNIFER! JENNIFER! What's the matter with the way I live my life?! Huh, Jennifer?! Where are you?! At home, reading …"