"You stupid, stupid...silly little person."

"Wait, wait. Don't go to sleep yet. We got to talk about something. [pause] Stickers. Do you like stickers?"

"Dude, you've got to tell her. Seriously. You can pass off two dates without a kiss as being old-fashioned. You go thr…"

"Do you know how many hours I spent looking for for my "Temple of Poon" tape? One. That is a long time to be looking f…"

"This is a photocopy of Candy's ass? You're gonna call her, right?"

"Mandy: [describing the importance of women's power of abstinence] Women have been doing this since...the beginning. I…"

"Candy: [describing the typical sexuality of men] They're like animals. Their whole lives revolve around their penises."

"Jerry Anderson: I've jerked off three times since lunch and I've still got this fucking hard-on."

"One man is about to do the unthinkable. No sex. Whatsoever. For... 40 Days and 40 Nights."

"This March, sex takes a holiday."