"Well, you certainly made it very clear how your legal system works Mr. Young. Now, I'd like to explain a little bit about the Peter Blunt system. You see, I don't go in for lawsuits and motions or any of the legal stuff. No, no, you see what happens is, uh, I find out where you live and then I come to your house, see? And I beat down your door with a fucking baseball bat! And, then I make a bonfire with the Chipendale, maybe roast that Golden Retriever, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, then eat it! And then I'm coming upstairs, junior, and I'm gonna grab you by your Brooks Bros. P.J.s, and then I'm gonna take your brand new B.M.W., and cram it up your tight ass! Do we have an understanding?"

"I won't be a caddy all my life, I'm going to carwash school in the fall."

"You know I'm always shooting myself with one of those poison-dipped, crossbow darts. I don't know why they don't put a warning on those things."

"Paul Bartel - Mr. Jamison"

"Chynna Phillips - Mary Frances 'Miffy' Young"

"Robert Stack - Chandler Young"

"Home of the rich and tasteless."

"Marsha Warfield - Royette Tyler"

"Bibi Osterwald - Mrs. Pierpont"

"[to one of his workers] Take chances. I'm insured."

"Golf, golf... what kinda name is "golf" anyway? Sounds like a sound you make when you've got something caught in your throat."

"Dyan Cannon - Elizabeth Pearce"

"Randy Quaid - Peter Blunt"

"Brian McNamara - Todd Young"

"Dina Merrill - Cynthia Young"

"Jessica Lundy - Kate Hartounian"

"Chevy Chase - Ty Webb"

"Jackie Mason - Jack Hartounian"

"Dan Aykroyd - Captain Tom Everett"

"The shack is back!"

"Frank Welker (voice) - the Gopher"

"[on the phone, after Chandler Young has gotten Hartounian Construction's power turned off] That's hard to say, huh? Well, when can we get the power turned back on? That's hard to say, huh? Well, tell me something. Is it as hard to say as "Oh, my god! Somebody help me! There's a man in my office with a flamethrower"?"

"Joey Diaz - Ducks"

"John Finn - Police Detective (uncredited)"

"Gina Lynn - Stripper"

"Kyle Sabihy - Michael"

"Reg Rogers - Raoul Berman"

"Pat Cooper - Sal Masiello"

"Cathy Moriarty-Gentile - Patti LoPresti"

"Anthony LaPaglia - Anthony Bella (uncredited)"

"Joe Viterelli - Jelly (in his last film role)"

"Thomas Rosales, Jr. - Coyote"

"Ginko biloba. Helps my memory, and I forget what else."

"[straining] I'm very attached to my balls."

"Back in therapy"

"Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti"

"I am grieving. It's a process."

"Demetri Martin - Personal Assistant"

"Lisa Kudrow - Laura Sobel"

"Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel M.D."

"Frank Gio - Lou "The Wrech" Rigazzi"

"Paxton Whitehead - Dr. Phillip Barbay"

"Sam Kinison - Professor Terguson"

"Terry Farrell - Valerie Desmond"

"Robert Downey, Jr. - Derek Lutz"

"Sally Kellerman - Dr. Diane Turner"

"Burt Young - Lou"