"Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes."

"Don't mind Lou - he's only the second generation in his family to stand up straight."

"Please, try to understand. I don't have the background for this. I mean, the high school I went to, they asked a kid …"

"With the shape I'm in you could donate my body to science fiction."

"Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon"

"Sally Kellerman - Dr. Diane Turner"

"Burt Young - Lou"

"Keith Gordon - Jason Melon"

"Robert Downey, Jr. - Derek Lutz"

"I don't know. I can't figure women out. Today, they're... independent. They only think about themselves. Why, during …"