"Heather: [after Rodrick knocks down her ice bust; enraged] No. NO! [picks up a microphone stand and walks over to him; lividly] I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

"A refrigerator? Ready-made meals? And a TV? This isn't camping!"

"Rachael Harris as Susan Heffley"

"Zachary Gordon as Greg Heffley"

"This song goes out to a very special little lady. Heather Hills... this one's for you."

"A Wimp Will Rise"

"Joshua Hoover as Mac Digby"

"Melissa Roxburgh as Heather Hills"

"Connor and Owen Fielding as Manny Heffley"

"Robert Capron as Rowley Jefferson"

"Loaded diaper, activate."

"Oliver the Dog as Sweetie Heffley"

"This is an unplugged road trip."

"Greg Heffley! You are grounded for life! And I swear, never again will you play a video game as long as there is breath in my body."

"Charlie Wright as Rodrick Heffley"

"Wyatt and Dylan Walters as Manny Heffley"

"Mira Silverman as Brandi Beardo"

"Grayson Russell as Fregley"

"You know what my grandpa always used to say? "A man who never made a mistake never made anything. The trick is to be responsible and to learn from your mistakes." And you can do that. You're a really great kid, Greg. And I'm not just saying that because we're a lot alike."

"Hey, what is that? A store-bought s'mores maker? A TV?! Pre-tied knots?! Stan, you're a phony! So much for the big camper."

"Devon Bostick as Rodrick Heffley"

"Steve Zahn as Frank Heffley"

"Phil Hayes as Stan Warren"

"Jason Drucker as Greg Heffley"

"Alf Humphreys as Mr. Jefferson"

"Bronwen Smith as Mrs. Jefferson"

"Jeff Kinney as Mr. Hills"

"I got us a microwave pizza. [he puts the pizza on a black box which is usually a safe which is locked up tight instead of a microwave] And they disguised it as a microwave."

"The only connection we're gonna do, is with each other."

"The pig's better potty trained than you, Greg."

"Peyton List as Holly Hills"

"Owen Asztalos as Rowley Jefferson"

"Alicia Silverstone as Susan Heffley"

"Tom Everett Scott as Frank Heffley"

"Christopher A. Coppola as Mr. Beardo"

"Kimberli Lincoln as Mrs. Beardo"

"Mimi Gould as Meemaw"

"Karan Brar as Chirag Gupta"

"I feel like a gangster right now!"

"[running with Greg's diary] "I can't believe my luck! I finally have Holly all to myself without Chirag, or anyone else!""

"[bitterly to Greg] You're my brother. But you'll never be my friend."

"[to Greg as he threatens to call mom] REMINDER! You can't call if you're dead."

"[to Greg] This "Mom Bucks" thing is a gold mine muchacho. Better not ruin it for me."

"Terence Kelly - Grandpa Heffley"

"Fran Kranz - Bill Walter"

"Peyton List - Holly Hills"

"Karan Brar - Chirag Gupta"

"Steve Zahn - Frank Heffley"

"Rachael Harris - Susan Heffley"

"Connor and Owen Fielding - Manny Heffley"