Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010 film)

"Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented."

"Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show."

"[after getting teased by Quentin] Right now, I have to take abuse from these morons. But in twenty years, Quentin here will be workin' for me."

"She's a girl! Where do I grab her?"

"hey greg wanna come over and play?"

"So, wanna play Twisted Wizard?"

"[repeated line] Zoo-wee-mama!"

"Wow. Everyone knows me now. lt's like l'm famous!"

"[Sees Greg trying to touch the Cheese] STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch."

"The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. [Scene flashes forward to before the Cheese became moldy] Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. [Darren puts his finger on the Cheese] Darren had the Cheese Touch! It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. [Darren cries in the hallway] The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. [Darren touches an unsuspecting girl, thus giving her the Cheese Touch] And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away. Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. [Flash forward to the present] And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim."

"This is a terrible place!"

"Hey, guys. Wanna see my secret freckle? Check it out, [singsong voice] it’s got a hair in it!"

"I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out."

"Wanna have a tickle fight?"

"[grunts] Come on! What are you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!"

"Don't make me beat you up again!"

"Can I wrestle with somebody Good Now?"

"It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body."

"You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?"

"You know, Patty? One day you'll wake up and all the things you thought were important won't be anymore."

"So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't look at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... [sighs] Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. [patting Greg's head] And don't be seen with Rowley."

"What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?"

"It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to kill you. Literally kill you!"

"[to Rowley] Beat it."

"What? [Greg run offs. Rowley holds onto to Rodrick's leg to stop him] Let go, baby hippo!"

"I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons."

"How to be wimp cool."

"Wimp is in!"

"It's not a diary, it's a movie!"

"It's not a movie, it's a survival guide."

"Zachary Gordon as Greg Heffley"

"Robert Capron – Rowley Jefferson"

"Devon Bostick – Rodrick Heffley"

"Rachel Harris – Susan Heffley"

"Steve Zahn – Frank Heffley"

"Chloë Grace Moretz – Angie Steadman"

"Karan Brar – Chirag Gupta"

"Grayson Russel – Fregley"

"Laine MacNeil – Patty Farrell"

"Connor Fielding and Owen Fielding – Manny Heffley"

"Alex Ferris as Collin Lee"

"Andrew McNee – Coach Malone"

"Rob LaBelle – Mr. Winsky"

"Alf Humphreys – Mr. Jefferson"

"Belita Moreno – Mrs. Norton"

"Harrison Houde – Darren Walsh"