"I'm assembling an army to go to war with Persia. I'm going to take them in the rear... and then I'm gonna reach around, and I'm gonna take them again from the front!"

"I thought the kick was utterly dreadful. In fact, I've seen better kicks from a geriatric donkey and I am not talking about you Paula."

"I'm a Hilton; I don't bow... but I do bend over."

"Well, tickle my nipples with a feather"

"Traitoro was a Traitor?"

"[with a mini-vac] How do you like me now, Sandman?"

"My lord, he will tell Xerxes that Sparta is not for them, so whatever you do, don't be throwing him into the Pit of Death. (Leonidas does the exact opposite) Stop throwing people into the Pit of Death! Really!"

"Enough of this superflous videogame violence!"

"Leave Britney alone!"

"Ooh! Transformer Cube!"

"I tell you, kid, you got balls! I come here with this huge army, we're gonna shish kebab your ass!"

"this is from the movie and is not historically accurate..."

"THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

"Who is that (about Sonio) Well, he's got a huge package (indicating a wooden box)"

"Yo Mama's so hairy, the only language she speaks is Wookie!"

"The Oracle also said that our painted-on abs look fake! But I beg to differ!"

"That is how "men" greet each other in Sparta: high-fives for the women and open-mouthed tongue kisses for the men."

"Maybe if you stopped straightening pictures and let men wear their own pants, maybe they'd be able to touch you without asking "permesso!""

"Nicole Felsette - Dominique"

"Laurelle Felsette - Angelique"

"Jennifer Berrington - Harriet MacGregor"

"Stephanie Berrington - Elizabeth Anderson"

"Verina Greenlaw - Christine"

"Pip Sparke - Anne"

"Sharyl Locke - Jenny"

"Jack Good - Lieutenant Stebbings (Bo Peep)"

"Trevor Howard - Commander Frank Houghton (Big Bad Wolf)"

"Leslie Caron - Catherine Freneau (Goody Two Shoes)"

"Cary Grant - Walter Christopher Eckland (Mother Goose)"

"Well so far, you're "shared" me out of my home, my bed, my food and my shirt. Now, how about sharing some of my things with me?"

"[Catherine is about to read a list of needs to Frank] Now hold it. You've taken over everything else, but the radio is still my responsibility. [reads from the list] 8 nighties...[gives the list to Catherine and leaves]"

"Let me tell you something. I am not a father figure. I am not an uncle figure, or a brother or a cousin figure. In fact, the only figure I intend being is a total stranger figure."

"Now, I've never met your parents, so I'm not going to jump to any hasty conclusions. But, like studying a frozen caveman, if I can see where you came from, I'll have a much better idea of where you're going."

"Misery loves family."

"And you thought your parents were embarrassing."

"Terem - Moses"

"Owen Wilson - Kevin Rawley"

"Ray Santiago - Jorge Villalobos"

"Alanna Ubach - Isabel Villalobos"

"Spencer and Bradley Pickren - Little Jack / LJ"

"Blythe Danner - Dina Byrnes"

"Teri Polo - Pam Byrnes"

"Barbra Streisand - Roz Focker"

"Dustin Hoffman - Bernie Focker"

"Ben Stiller - Greg Focker"

"Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes"

"[into Jack's spy-camera, during end credits] Hey, look at me, Jack. What am I? [gruff voice] I am a frozen caveman! Study me, Jack! Learn how strange the Focker genetic code is! We are weird mutants who hug and kiss! We show emotion! [growls] Jack must learn from us, and chip away with his hammer of truth! Wooga-booga!"

"Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been telling you that since I was eleven."

"(to Jack) I'm wondering why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest!"