"Always remember the customer is an individual. Just like you. Each person you speak to has had a day. Some of the days have been good, some bad, but they've all had one. Each person you speak to has had a childhood. Each has a body. Each body has aches. What is it to be human? What is it to ache? What is it to be alive? [scoffs.] I don't know. What is it to ache? I don't know. What is it to be alive? I don't know... Uh, yes. "How do I talk to a customer?" How do I talk to a customer? These are the important questions for a customer service representative. What do I say? Do I smile while I'm on the phone? Well, they can tell, if you're smiling, even if they can't see you. Did you know that? Try it as an experiment on the phone with a friend. Try it. Go ahead. Watch. [turns around.] I'm lost. [chuckles and turns back around.] See I was smiling when I said that? I've lost my love. She's an unmoored ship and she's drifting off to sea. I have no one to talk to. I have no one to talk to. I have no one to talk to. I'm sorry. I don't mean to burden you with that, I just don't know what else to do because I have no one to talk to... Be friendly to the customer. Think of the customer as a friend... [sighs.]"

"What is to be human? What is it to ache? What is it to be.. alive? Each person you speak to has had a day. Some of the days have been good, some bad. Each person you speak to has had a childhood. Each has a body. Each body has aches. Look for what is special about each individual. Focus on that. Remember there is someone out there for everyone. Our time is limited, we forget that. Death comes, that’s it. Soon it’s as if we never existed. So, remember to smile."

"Tina Fey as Burrito"

"Mastodon (uncredited) as Interrupting Snack Band"

"as Rob Goldstein"

"as CIA Agent 2"

"as CIA Agent 1"

"as Plantation Owner"

"as Space Ghost"

"as Time Lincoln"

"as MC Pee Pants"

"as Walter Melon"

"Neil Peart as Neil"

"Bruce Campbell as Chicken Bittle"

"as Dr. Weird, Steve"

"as Oglethorpe"

"as Err, Cybernetic Ghost, Satan"

"as , , Ignignokt, Video Game Voice"

"Linda, I care about you. And I respect you. So where, uh, where am I gonna do ya?"

"Show me how to get some pythons like... Chief Wahoo McDaniel."

"It's the poodle from the prophecy!"

"And so Frylock is with us... in a manner of speaking... but he would never recover his smartness. That's why I have to cut up his food for him."

"Well, look what we have here. You two make me sick. Book 'em, Bork."

"Pamela Blair—Flight attendant / White House tour guide"

"Jacqueline Barba—Agent Hurly"

"Eric Bogosian—Old Faithful ranger / White House press secretary / Strategic Air Command lieutenant"

"Kristofor Brown—Man on plane / Man in confession booth / Old guy / Jim"

"David Letterman and Tony Darling—Mötley Crüe roadies"

"Greg Kinnear—ATF Agent Bork (uncredited)"

"Dale Reeves—President Bill Clinton"

"Richard Linklater—Tour bus driver"

"Cloris Leachman—Martha (Old Lady)"

"Robert Stack—ATF Agent Flemming"

"Chief, this just came in. Two days ago, Express Airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself Cornholio. Guess who matches the description."

"Bruce Willis—Muddy Grimes"

"Demi Moore—Dallas Grimes"

"Mike Judge—Beavis / Butt-head / Thomas T. "Tom" Anderson / Principal McVicker / David Van Driessen"

"The sun sucks."

"Hey, Beavis. Check it out. I'm jacking off."

"This is the coolest thing I have ever seen."

"Hey, baby. I noticed you have braces. I have braces, too."

"Hey Butt-head, this book is pretty cool. There's a naked chick, a talking snake, and this dude wears a leaf over his schlong."

"I am Cornholio! — You will cooperate with my bunghole! — For there is but one bunghole: the almighty bunghole."