"Rayne: I have never, ever been happier to be humped at high velocity by a large man. Well, maybe once, but prison changes a man. You know how it is. Of course you do."

"Rayne: I'm gonna tell Jesus on you."

"Rayne: There are thing people are ready for, and some things they are not"

"Little Vader: You're more of a girl than Luke, and he was all like, "No Dad, I don't want to rule the galaxy like father and son because I'm Yoda's bitch." That's really what he said by the way. In those words."

"Rayne: The Cone of Caring, or COC for short, refers to the immediate area of space directly surrounding me. This area is the one and only I concern myself with. Anything outside of it, I don't care. It's like it doesn't exist."

"Noel: I'm going to go on the record and say that any substance abuse problem that creates women like that is okay by me."

"John: Are you going to tell her how you recycled the recycling bin because you couldn't resist the irony?"

"Harry: If you were ever curious about the protection your mattress pad really gives, let me assure you it took three of my homeless friends several minutes of soiling to get through it."

"Noel: He would've sold his roommate into slavery to do the thing you traded your friend for."

"Rayne: If this entire office was a ship, and I was a pirate, you'd all be pillaged by now."

"John: Naw, I'm done with Lucas. I have no urge to sit through three hours of Anakin turn into Darth Vader because he misses his mommy."

"Rayne: All I'm saying is that if there is such a thing as "immaculate conception," then by reasoning, there must be a way to have "immaculate sex.""

"Rayne: My penis is all dressed up with nowhere to go."

"Rayne: Ladies you might think, that men don't care"

"Rayne: Best friends come and go, but sex...sex is forever."

"Mick: His Holiness would like an extra tiny steak with his dinner."

"Eric: Excuse me, is this the residence of Rayne Summers, 'no' M.D.?"

"Rayne: She's not shy about, so everyone can see"

"Rayne: Somewhere out there, there's a mother balloon mourning the death of her baby."

"Psych Ward Woman: Where are you going?"

"Rayne: Nothing much, was just ravaged from behind by a gay doctor."

"John: Is "sadlypathetic" a word?"

"Rayne: Since you've been dating Beth, you're a tool. And not even one of those useful ones. You're like a hammer. A hammer without the hammery part. You're a stick."

"Rayne: You finish that sentence and after I kill you, I'll do the 25 years to life with a smile on my face and no regrets."

"Marcy: Wow. You're twice the size of Trump."

"Noel: Thank you, Roofie Colada!"

"Rayne: You know how they say that when a woman is pregnant, she's glowing and beautiful?"

"Rayne: You spoke with your friends, and their words were not kind"

"Rayne: I want an anime type hairstyle. I think it'd score points with Cyndi's parents."

"Rayne: You guys remember when I used to say that if I ever got sent to prison I'd find the biggest, meanest inmate I could and submit myself to him for protection? Meet Wayne."

"Mick: The girl by the bar thinks you're cute."

"Rayne: It started so well, that late winter's night"

"John: I'm in a schoolgirl outfit being ridden by a donkey."

"Rayne: I'm a bounty hunter."

"Rayne: It has nothing to do with you. It's me...I don't like you!"

"Issa: It's kind of like a ferret makes your decisions for you."

"Rayne: Vodka and CNN: A winning combination."

"750 dudes with Tron pillows go Oh, No Wonder."

"Smoking Mr. Gary's pole is so beautiful."

"It is pretty hard to tell a nine-year old child that they are dead. It is pretty sad."

"Roast Beef's hang-up is actually a fantasy for many men"

"Llewellyn Ash knows that You are capable of Wonderful Things."

"Patronize your local fast food cart"

"Cornelius: When we do make the beast with two backaches, our onomatopoeia is less "ooh" and "aah" than "crack" and "help.""

"Beef: Hm maybe get some medical insurance"