"Fighter: One might think waging a four-way double-elimination duel to the death with yourself could drive you insane. But really? It makes you super sane."

"Red Mage: And thanks to my frankly brilliant allocation of points to animal husbandry, I possess a robust and intimate knowledge of monster genitals."

"Black Mage: Lies are just creative truths."

"Red Mage: Just once I'd like to go somewhere without killing everyone in the world."

"Thief: Well, Red Mage had a stupid idea, and I'm making it better with my cunning."

"Muffin (Tiamat), Fiend of Air: Moron. I never owned an invisible sky castle. Just that regularly visible one over there."

"Black Mage: My hatred for you burns like the skin of that guy."

"Red Mage: In the arena of logic, I fight unarmed."

"Fighter: I like it. Needs a sword fight in the middle, but we can burn that river when we cross a bridge over the bush with two birds in glass houses."

"Ur (Kraken), Fiend of Water: Oh, man, what a smell in that thing. Horrible. Anyway! You guys ordered an Apocalypse, if I'm right."

"Red Mage: Evolution is my bitch."

"Black Mage: If there was a way to get magic for free, do you really think I'd have spent so much time sacrificing children to my Dark Gods? For spells, I mean. Obviously there'd still be sacrifices. A hobby's a hobby."

"Black Mage: You don't tend to see many ancient castles with such well manicured lawns."

"Cleric: Well look at that, another beautiful miracle. If it weren't for my atheism, I'd be impressed by it."

"Sarda: Yea, is it not written, "With great power comes great authority, but absolute power rocks absolutely"?"

"Red Mage: I don't need a quest to teach me the importance of faking friendship."

"Vilbert: My dark soul burns with fiery agreement. Or possibly tacos."

"Red Mage: Our weapons are useless, reliance upon them is death!"

"Red Mage: Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!"

"Berserker: Just because I fly into a blind, homicidal rage at the drop of a helm doesn't mean I'm incapable of appreciating the finer things in life."

"Red Mage: That's not how it works. There is no grand story to history. Things just happen. It's the act of looking back on it that interposes a sense of narrative."

"Black Mage: I should have mentioned this at the beginning. I solve my problems through violence."

"Lich, Fiend of Earth: If I still had to consume food, I would feast upon your entrails, tonight."

"Young Black Mage: What part of being stabbed do you not understand?"

"Black Mage: You don't really practice bleeding to death from six dozen stab wounds. It's just gonna happen."

"Vilbert: Mom! How many times must I ask you to refer to me by my dark name of the damned?"

"Thief: I'll have you know "Drizz'L" roughly translates to "The Relentless Scourge"."

"Drizz'l: I could feel my brain contracting from your sheer stupidity."

"Fighter: Isn't it ironic to yell the word silence?"

"Fighter: Jump overboard! It's the only way to save yourself from the sea-monsters!"

"Bikke: Aye! They be like a thorny thorn in ye sidey side."

"Red Mage: If we disguise ourselves as dragon-food, we could take the dragon by surprise."

"Black Mage: ...So you see, by allowing me to kill you three, I'll be able to at least die with some dignity... and a smile."

"Black Mage: Well, at least I shall die as I have lived. Completely surrounded by morons."

"White Mage: You are simply a horrible little monster and I pray for your quick and merciful death."

"Black Mage: The problem with guards is that they are too inquisitive for their own good. That and the clean up afterward is always such a bitch."

"Red Mage: For +3 endurance, I'd wear my own underwear over my armor."

"Fighter: I love you phallic-sword worshiping warrior woman. Take me."

"Fighter: I trust Black Mage 'cause he told me to."

"White Mage: Excuse me. Do you carry any restraining order spells?"

"Cab: It's a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of."

"Andy: Well, as long as you promise we're only lynching them for science."

"Aubrey: Oh, good. More snow. Nature's bukkake."

"Davan: The way I see it, there's so much love and beauty in the world, and someone has to balance that shit out."

"Lisa: For future reference, when a woman says she wants your honest opinion, she really doesn't."