""HURRY UP OLD BEAN! FETCH MY KEYS AND DRIVING CAP POST-HASTE!" -Chicken Delicious, "Let Us Meet Chicken Delicious" (This may have been said by either Pokey or Chicken Delicious; the comic is ambiguous)"

"“OUR STEEPLE IS ROCKET-SHAPED TO TAKE US TO THE MOON! WHERE GOD LIVES!!” --Robot Minister, “Pokey and the Robot Church”"

"“THUSLY THE PANTS COME OFF AND THE TEST SCORES RISE!” --The Principle, “Chicago-Style”"

"“IF STROKING THE SACRED TEXT IS A SIN THEN MAY I NEVER BE BLESSED POKEY” --Penguin, “The Anatomicon”"

"“HERE ON RUM ISLAND WE DO NOT BELIEVE IN RUM!” --Penguin, “Welcome to Rum Island”"

"“WE ARE TO ENGAGE IN FISTICUFFS IN THIS LAND OF ELVES AND HAPPINESS!” --The Devil, “Pokey and the Bump on the Noggin”"

"“I AM MASTERING THE POSSIBILITIES” --The Devil, “The Devil”"

"“IF DEMOCRACY FAILS, YOU CAN COUNT ON STALIN!” --Gustavo, “You Can Count on Stalin”"

"POKEY TODAY I AM ATTENDING SCHOOL CHICAGO-STYLE. IT MEANS, TO DO SOMETHING WITHOUT YOUR PANTS ON POKEY!!!!" --Headcheese, "Chicago-Style"

"“DESOLATION MOUNTAIN IS MADE OF POTATO FLAKES!!!” --Headcheese, “Mambo”"

"“I HAVE DOMINION OVER YOU! YOU ARE MY SLAVES” --Skeptopotamus, “ Skeptopotamus' Secrets of Vitality”"

"HOORJ!" --Pokey, "Pokey and Tommy the Toaster"

"“LIKE THE TWO PRONGS OF MY DINNER FORK YOU STEAL THE HEART AND POSSESSIONS” --Skeptopotamus, “Pokey Objects”"

"“I AM DESIROUS OF DELICIOUS CHEESE” --Skeptopotamus, “The Sadness at the End of Days”"

"I AM RAPPING ABOUT WORLD HISTORY!" -Skeptopotamus, "Skeptopotamus and World History"

"“THE FIRST LAW OF PHYSICS STATES THAT ROCKETS WILL ALWAYS FLY STRAIGHT UP INTO THE AIR!!!!!” --Mr. Nutty, “Mr. Nutty and the Rocket”"

"“I KEEP ALL MY RECORDS IN THIS LOAF OF BREAD, FOR REASONS I NO LONGER REMEMBER!!” --Mr. Nutty, “Mr. Nutty's Position”"

"“JOHN LOCKE! FANCY YOUR ESCAPING FROM SATAN'S GNASHING TEETH AND ENDING UP HERE!” --Mr. Nutty, “The Root of Safety”"

"“DID ANYONE REMEMBER TO REMOVE HIS WALLET?”(At Pokey's funeral) –Mr. Nutty, “Pokey Dies”"

"“GHOST MONEY HAS A VERY HIGH EXCHANGE RATE!!” --Mr. Nutty, “Pokey is Solid”"

"“POKEY WHAT FINERY!!!” --Small Child, “Friend, Can You Spare Some Money?”"

"“BUT POKEY YOU FOUND THAT BIBLE IN A CRACKERJACK BOX!!! IT HAS A PIRATE ON THE FRONT!!!!” --Small Child, “St. Bluebeard (Biblical Proportions)”"

"“I FED HIM A STRICT DIET OF GASOLINE AND IRON FILLINGS! HE'S AS STRONG AS AN OX AND FIVE TIMES SMARTER” --Small Child, “Pokey and the Hover-Chair”"

"“I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE KEPT THE PILLOW WAREHOUSE RIGHT NEXT TO THE PORN FACTORY!!!” --Small Child, “Hello Sexy World”"

"“IN THIS MANNER YOU HAVE RETRIEVED YOUR BRAINPAN POKEY!” --Small Child, “Pokey is Roots”"

"NOTHING RIDES YOU LIKE A GOOD PAIR OF HOT PANTS!" --Pokey, "Pokey Has Hot Pants"

"YOU SEEM TENSE! WHY NOT RELAX WITH A NICE CIGARETTE? WELCOME TO FLAVOR COUNTRY!" --Pokey, "Chicken Delicious is a Bad Influence"

""MAMA MIA!" --Italians"

""BIF!" --The Boxing Glove"

""COOKIE!" (Usually appears as caption in panel when Gustavo arrives)"

""I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" --Skeptopotamus"

""SMASHING JOB OLD BEAN!" --Mr. Nutty"

""CRUD!" --Pokey"

""HELLO POKEY!" --Any Minor character that doesn't know Pokey"