"I think love should be irresistible, like a drug, you know? I think when it happens you should just not be able to help yourself. I just - I wanted... more."

"[to Lucy] I'm here because I feel more like me when I'm with you, than I do when I'm with me."

"[to Janet] Remember when you got drunk and nearly got the chancellor of Bulgaria killed? I covered for you!"

"[furious because his coronation has been interrupted by English, pulls a gun on crowd] Shut up! All this stupid little country has to do is stand in line and do what it's told for one miserable day! But can it do that? My fragrant French Ass it can!"

"Oliver Ford Davies as the Archbishop of Canterbury"

"Tim Pigott-Smith as Pegasus"

"Kevin McNally as Tony Blair"

"Steve Nicolson as Dieter Klein"

"Douglas McFerran as Carlos Vendetta"

"Greg Wise as Agent One"

"Ben Miller as Bough"

"Natalie Imbruglia as Lorna Campbell"

"John Malkovich as Pascal Sauvage"

"Rowan Atkinson as Johnny English"

"When it comes to secret agents, there's the smooth, there's the sophisticated... and there's Johnny English."

"He's the kind of secret agent the Secret Service keeps secret."

"The star of Mr. Bean is now Her Majesty's most trusted agent."

"Prepare for British Intelligence."

"He knows no fear. He knows no danger. He knows nothing."

"[after accidentally being crowned king; points to Sauvage after a pause] Arrest that man... and lock him away! [the crowd cheers as four guards take Sauvage away]"

"Good morning, gentlemen! MI7 at your service."

"I've been dropped into the Kalahari desert, carrying nothing but a toothbrush and a packet of Sherbet Lemons, and I still found my way to Bulawayo before Ramadan."

"You might have taken me, but you'll never take England. Not as long as I have breath in my body or a bullet in my gun. [English pulls the trigger, but poo splurts out instead of a bullet]"

"[Addressing the Archbishop of Canterbury, who he believes to be an impostor] Do you or do you not have tattooed on your bottom the words, "Jesus is coming – look busy"?"

"The word 'mistake' sir is not one that appears in my dictionary."

"[After climbing into a castle via the sewage system] Oh, pull yourself together, it's only a little bit of poo!"

"A good agent doesn't need gadgets. The only gadgets I've ever needed are a sharp eye, a finely tuned ear and a slightly bigger brain than is strictly necessary."

"(first lines) Ah, the Heckler and Koch G-36. Quite deadly in the right hands."

"Clearly, the aptly-named English is a fool."

"[speaking to Lorna] Are you familiar with the shaman throat warblers of the Guatemalan Delta?"

"[speaking to Bough] Have you heard of the chanting of the Bedouin monks of the Almaghreb mountains?"

"They served you Breakfast. They gave you Pie. Now we're gonna stuff your face."

"Eric Jungmann — Ricky Lippman"

"Eric Christian Olsen — Austin"

"Chyler Leigh — Janey Briggs"

"Chris Evans — Jake Wyler"

"Ron Lester — Reggie Ray"

"Mia Kirshner — Catherine Wyler"

"Jaime Pressly — Priscilla"

"Deon Richmond — Malik"