"My character... he realizes that the apocalyptic crime rate is because of global deceleration. The rotation of the earth is slowing down at a rate of point zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero six miles per hour each day disrupting the chemical equilibrium in the human brain causing very irrational criminal behavior."

"Starla Von Luft: [to Boxer] The information that I have uncovered could get me killed. But it was a risk I was willing to take. The fate of the earth depends on you, Jericho."

"Roland Taverner: Sounds neat... How does he stop the global deceleration?"

"Roland Taverner: We're taking the ATM machine with us to Mexico."

"When the shit hits the fans, it all smells the same."

"Nobody rocks the cock like Cyndi Pinziki!"

"Nothing an eight ball, a porn star and a tattoo parlor can't handle."

"Revelation 21: And God wiped away the tears from his eyes, so the new Messiah could see out to the new Jerusalem. His name was Officer Roland Taverner, of Hermosa Beach, California. My best friend. He is a pimp. And pimps don't commit suicide."

"Darkness fell upon the city. Neo-Marxist cells began to converge upon downtown."

"Proposition 69. To Krysta that number had one meaning, and one meaning only. To everyone else it was a proposition on the ballot to restrict the powers of the oppressive institution known as USIDent."

"This is the way the World ends. This is the way the World ends. This is the way the World ends. Not with a whimper, but with a bang."

"We're a bisexual nation living in denial. All because of a bunch of nerds. A bunch of nerds who got off a boat in the 15th century and decided that sex was something to be ashamed of. All the Pilgrims did was ruin the American Indian orgy of freedom."

"You know what, I like to get fucked, I like to get fucked hard. Okay, but you have to draw the line somewhere. I mean, violence is a big problem in our society today and I will not support it. That is the primary reason why I won't do anal."

"Join us for an in-depth discussion of the penetrating issues facing society today. Issues like abortion, terrorism, crime, poverty, social reform, quantum teleportation, teen horniness and war."

"[to Boxer] I love you, Jericho Cane."

"Scientists are saying the future is going to be far more futuristic than they originally predicted."

"The fourth dimension will collapse upon itself... you stupid bitch."

"I'm a pimp... and pimps don't commit suicide."

"Three days. Three final days. It all ends tonight."

"Basil Buller-Murphy - Sir Douglas Froude"

"Grant Taylor - Morgan"

"Paddy Moran - Stevens (club wine steward)"

"John Casson - Salvation Army captain"

"Brian James - Royal Australian Navy officer"

"Eureka, motherfuckers!"