"[incensed at Flaming Dragon's demands] Okay, Flaming Dragon. Fuckface. First, take a big step back... and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! Now, I don't know what kind of pan-Pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again. Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP! [hangs up; to assistant] Find out who that was."

"[as Simple Jack] Goodbye Momma! Now you can have ice cream in heaven! I'll see you tonight when I go to bed, in my head movies. But this head movie makes my eyes rain!"

"I know who I am! I'm a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude! You a dude who don't know what dude he is."

"Matthew McConaughey - Rick "Pecker" Peck"

"Bill Hader - Rob Slolom"

"Brandon T. Jackson - Alpa Chino"

"Danny McBride - Cody Underwood"

"Jay Baruchel - Kevin Sandusky"

"Steve Coogan - Damien Cockburn"

"Nick Nolte - John "Four Leaf" Tayback"

"It'll Blow Your Nose!"

"Filmed in ODORAMA"

"I got ants in my pants!"

"You're really gauche, madam—a regular little coo-chon. And that means PIG!"

"[after ripping a garment trying to squeeze into it] God damn these designers."

"At first I thought he was walking the dog. Then I realized it was his date."

"Oh Heintz, she's straight from the gutter ... a fille de joie!"

"This house is just like Architectural Digest, Francine!"

"Oh, everything smells so much better now."

"Do you think I'm made of steel, Miss Lu-Lu?"

"I wish I could be more like you, Cuddles, always optimistic. I look into my future and all I see is a long, dark highway, filled with endless tollbooths and no exits."

"George Hulse - School Principal"

"Hans Kramm - Heintz"

"Joni Ruth White - La Rue"

"Mink Stole - Sandra Sullivan"

"Ken King - Dexter Fishpaw"

"Mary Garlington - Lu-Lu Fishpaw"

"David Samson - Elmer Fishpaw"

"Edith Massey - Cuddles Kovinsky"

"Tab Hunter - Todd Tomorrow"

"Divine - Francine Fishpaw"

"It's Scentsational!"

"Smelling is believing."

"[Admiring a painting] I like the relationships. I mean, each character has his own story. The puppy is a bit too much, but you have to over look things like that in these kinds of paintings. The way he's holding her... it's almost... filthy. I mean, he's about to kiss her and she's pulling away. The way the leg's sort of smashed up against her... Phew... Look how he's painted the blouse sort of translucent. You can just make out her breasts underneath and it's sort of touching him about here. It's really... pretty torrid, don't you think? Then of course you have the onlookers peeking at them from behind the doorway like they're all shocked. They wish. Yeah, I must admit, when I see a painting like this, I get emotionally... erect. [[the painting is revealed to be of a red rectangle]"

"Iman - Cynthia"

"Patrick Stewart - Mr. Perdue"

"Sam McMurray - Morris Frost"

"Kevin Pollak - Frank Swan"

"Susan Forristal - Ariel"

"Sarah Jessica Parker - SanDeE"

"Marilu Henner - Trudi"