"So, there you are! I might have known it would end up like this. To think of all the love and affection I've wasted on you. Well, if that's how you treat your poor old mother in the autumn years of her life, all I can say is, "Go ahead. Be crucified. See if I care." [storms off] I might have known it would end up like this. Sex, sex. That's all young people are interested in nowadays. I don't know what the world's coming to."

"And there shall in that time be rumours of things going astray, and there will be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia work base, that has an attachment…at this time, a friend shall lose his friend’s hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before around eight o’clock..."

"A man shall strike his donkey."

"... And the beast shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures, and the whore of Babylon shall ride forth on a three-headed serpent, and throughout the lands, there'll be a great rubbing of parts. Yeeah..."

"Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say: Some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, Don't grumble. Give a whistle. And this'll help things turn out for the best. And... [music]"

"Oh, what I wouldn't give to be spat at in the face. I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at in the face."

"Honk if you love Brian."

"You lucky bastards! You lucky, jammy bastards!"

"A motion picture destined to offend nearly two thirds of the civilized world. And severely annoy the other third."

"See the movie that's controversial, sacrilegious, and blasphemous. But if that's not playing, see The Life of Brian."

"Nothing can alter the fact that if you were to make a list of all the greatest works of art in all fields and all the greatest contributors to those works of art, you would find that this scene of the incarnation, the story of the incarnation, has played the largest part. Now, in our 20th century this film produces a sort of graffiti version of it. And I don't think in the eyes of posterity it will have a very distinguished place."

"Just when you thought you were saved..."

"Makes Ben-Hur look like an epic."

"Sue Jones-Davies"

"Kenneth Colley:"

"Michael Palin:"

"Terry Jones:"

"He wasn't the messiah. He was a very naughty boy."

"Eric Idle:"

"Terry Gilliam:"

"John Cleese:"

"What Jesus blatantly fails to appreciate is that it's the meek who are the problem."

"Graham Chapman:"

"I've always thought that Life of Brian was the best thing Python did by quite a long shot."

"The film that is so funny it was banned in Norway."