"[being interviewed about Suzanne] First impressions in one word? You really want to know? Four letters, begins with "C." [beat] Cold. C-O-L-D. Cold."

"[to Lydia about Russell and Jimmy] It's their word against mine. Who are they? Bunch of 16-year-old losers who grew up in trailers whose parents sit around drinking and screwing their cousins! [laughs] I'm a professional person, for Christ's sake. I come from a good home. Who do you think a jury would believe?"

"Any time it rains, or when there's thunder and lightning, or when it snows, I have to jack off."

"Murder...scandal...fame...Who says you can't have it all?"

"She will do anything to get what she wants...ANYTHING."

"She was prepared to go all the way...for what she wanted."

"Seth Rogen as a Morton Schmidt replacement actor (uncredited)"

"Anna Faris as Anna (uncredited)"

"Dave Franco as Eric Molson (uncredited)"

"Queen Latifah as Mrs. Dickson (uncredited)"

"Rob Riggle as Mr. Walters (uncredited)"

"Nick Offerman as Deputy Chief Hardy"

"Ice Cube as Captain Dickson"

"Jimmy Tatro as "Rooster""

"H. Jon Benjamin as MCS Football Coach (uncredited)"

"Jonah Hill as Morton Schmidt"

"Channing Tatum as Greg Jenko / Jeff"

"Peter Stormare as "The Ghost""

"Jillian Bell as Mercedes"

"Wyatt Russell as Zook Haythe"

"Amber Stevens as Maya Dickson"

"Keith Lucas as Keith Yang"

"Kenny Lucas as Kenny Yang"

"Dustin Nguyen as Vietnamese Jesus"

"Diplo as Himself"

"Marc Evan Jackson as Dr. Murphy"

"Bill Hader as Culinary School Villain (uncredited)"

"Craig Roberts as Spencer"

"Patton Oswalt as MC State History Professor (uncredited)"

"Peter DeLuise as Doug Penhall"

"Luis Da Silva as One-Percenter #3"

"Spencer Boldman as French Samuels"

"Johnny Depp (uncredited cameo) as Tom Hanson"

"Valerie Tian as Burns"

"Rye Rye as Jr. Jr."

"Jaren Mitchell as Sanders"

"Geradine Singer as Phyliss"

"Dakota Johnson as Fugazy"

"Johnny Simmons as Billiam Willingham"

"Justin Hires as Juario"

"Stanley Wong as Roman"

"Brett Lapeyrouse as Amir"

"Holly Robinson Peete as Officer Judy Hoffs"

"Nick Offerman as Deputy Chief Hardy"

"Johnny Pemberton as Delroy"

"Lindsey Broad as Lisa"

"Chris Parnell as Mr. Gordon"

"Dax Flame as Zack"

"Ellie Kemper as Ms. Griggs"

"DeRay Davis as Domingo"