"I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup. I love maple syrup! I love it on pancakes, I love it on pizza! I love to take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?"

"Give me a break! That was my first Asian!"

"Yeah that, or it could have been the midnight rape, or the nude gay art show that took place in my room last night."

"The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me."

"Lock it up!"

"It feels so good when he jokes."

"I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it."

"I was first-team All-State. I can put the ball wherever I want to. I'll make it rain out here."

"Bradley Cooper as Sack Lodge"

"Henry Gibson as Father O'Neil"

"Ron Canada as Randolph"

"Jenny Alden as Christina Cleary"

"Will Ferrell (uncredited) as Chazz Reinhold"

"Doria Baird as Vivian"

"Dwight Yoakam and Rebecca De Mornay as Mr. and Mrs. Kroger"

"Kathryn Joosten as Mrs. Reinhold"

"Richard Riehle (uncredited) as Funeral guest"

"I'm a little too traumatized to enjoy a scone right now."

"There he is, the big guy!"