"Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led... and, of course, the quality of the pancakes."

"Meeting an insurance agent the day your policy runs out is coincidence. Getting a letter from the Emperor saying he's visiting is plot. Having your apartment eaten by a wrecking ball ... is something else entirely. Harold, you don't control your fate."

"'Little did he know', That means there's something he doesn't know, which means there's something you don't know, did you know that?"

"It's been a very revealing 10 seconds."

"Aren't you relieved to know you're not a Golem?"

"No one wants to die Harold, unfortunately we do. Harold, Harold listen to me. Harold, you will die, some day, some time; heart failure at the bank, choke on a mint. Some long drawn-out disease you've contracted on vacation, you will die. You will absolutely die. Even if you avoid this death, another will find you. And I guarantee, that it won't be nearly as poetic or as meaningful as what she's written. I'm sorry but it's ... it's the nature of all tragedies Harold. The hero dies, and the story goes on forever."

"You have to die. It's a masterpiece."

"Alright, who just said "Harold just counted brush strokes"?"

"I brought you flours."

"The cookies were good. Thank you for forcing me to eat them."

"SHUT UP! [narrator continues] No I'm not. I'm cursing you stupid voice; so shut up and leave me alone!"

"This may sound like gibberish, but I think I'm in a tragedy."

"I am relieved to know I am not a golem."

"Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy... in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And fortunately when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin... or a kind and loving gesture... or a subtle encouragement... or a loving embrace or an offert of comfort. Not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs... and uneaten Danish... and soft-spoken secrets... and Fender Stratocasters... and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are, in fact, here for a much larger and nobler cause: They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange. But i also know that it just so happens to be true."

"Like anything worth writing, it came inexplicably and without method."

"I don't need a nicotine patch, Penny; I smoke cigarettes."

"Is this a joke?"

"Pneumonia. That's an interesting way to die."

"We're imagining car wrecks!"

"Everyone thinks about leaping off a building."

"Little did he know that this simple, seemingly innocuous act would result in his imminent death."

"As much as I would like to, I simply cannot throw Harold Crick off a building."

"And although this was an extraordinary day—a day to be remembered for the rest of Harold's life — Harold just thought it was a Wednesday."

"Harold Crick was a man of infinite numbers, endless calculations and incredibly few words."

"This is a story about a man named Harold Crick. And his wristwatch."

"I'm going into business for myself...I'm getting married tomorrow...It's gonna be all right. I'm gonna settle down. I'm through with the newspaper business."

"John Qualen - Earl Williams"

"Helen Mack - Mollie Malloy"

"Frank Orth - Duffy, Morning Post copy editor"

"Abner Biberman - Diamond Louie"

"Regis Toomey - Sanders, reporter"

"Frank Jenks - Wilson, reporter"

"Roscoe Karns - McCue, reporter"

"Clarence Kolb - Fred, the Mayor"

"Cliff Edwards - Endicott, reporter"

"Ernest Truex - Roy V. Bensinger, Tribune reporter"

"Porter Hall - Murphy, reporter"

"Gene Lockhart - Sheriff Peter B. 'Pinky' Hartwell"

"Ralph Bellamy - Bruce Baldwin"

"Rosalind Russell - Hildegard 'Hildy' Johnson"

"Cary Grant - Walter Burns"

"The Year's Wildest, Wittiest Whirlwind of a Love Battle... Outrageously Racy... Sparkling... Gay!"

"She learned about men from him!"

"Diamond Louie: Down Western Avenue, we was going sixty-five miles an hour...We run smack into a police patrol. you know what I mean? We busted it in half!...Can you imagine bumping into a load of cops? They come rolling out like oranges!...When I come to, I was running down Thirty-fourth Street...The driver got knocked cold...I don't think she's [Bruce's mother] squawking much, you know what I mean?...Say listen, me with a gun on the hip and a kidnapped old lady on my hands, I'm gonna stick around askin' questions from a lot of cops?"

"Mayor: A guy who's done nothing for the last forty years but play pinochle gets elected Governor and right away, he thinks he's a Tarzan."

"Mayor: Do you realize there are two hundred thousand votes at stake? And if Earl Williams don't hang, we're gonna lose 'em?"