"Besides, how can I have time to rewrite my novel and still do my faithful servant duty to her as her little indentured servant person. Her little butt boy. I mean, I got a lot of duties, honey. She might need me to go out and count grapes with her, or help her fix her heater, or go take her to the laundry, or I got to go help her clean her banana skins, or I got to go clean out her garbage, and I got to go help her fill her monthlies out, or go and wipe her ass! God forbid she have any shit hanging off her ass! Because then I have to run up there double time like a little bunny, and I have to go up there with my little tissue and I have to go wipe her little ass and then I have to say, "Oh, good for you, Mrs. Connelly. Good for you for having such a nice little poopie. What's that? You've got some poopie on your diapey? Well let me clean it off—with my tongue!""

"Are those musical instruments?"

"We forgot to christen the apartment."

"It all started with one wrong move."

"Hotel rooms are a naturally creepy place."

"It does have the vague air of menace."

"[After turning on the lights upon entering Room 1408] This is it?"

"Let's Encyclopedia Brown this bitch."

"It's not that what I'm seeing is not real. It just ain't as real as it seems."

"Mary McCormack - Lily Enslin"

"Based on the terrifying novel by Stephen King."

"Enter Room 1408.......If you dare."

"Don't enter Room 1408!"

"John Cusack - Mike Enslin"

"[speaking into his recorder as he goes out on the ledge, trying to escape the room] If something should happen, if I should slip and fall, I want it known it was an accident. The room did not win."

"Samuel L. Jackson - Mr. Olin"

"The Dolphin Hotel invites you to stay in any of it's stunning rooms. Except one."

"Workman: I ain't going in this room."

"Radio: We've only just begun. [Song by The Carpenters played on the clock radio, whenever it comes on.]"

"Postcard: Don't enter 1408."

"Hotel operator: You can choose to relive this hour over and over, or you can take advantage of our express checkout system. (Camera pans out to reveal a noose hanging from the ceiling.)"

"Look, I'm not telling you not to stay in that room for your own good or for the profit of the hotel. Frankly, selfishly, I just don't want to clean up the mess."

"Why do you think people believe in ghosts? For fun? No. It’s the prospect of something after death. How many spirits have you broken?"

"Hotel operator: Five. This is five. Ignore the sirens. Even if you leave this room, you can never leave this room. (voice becomes low and sinister) Eight. This is eight. We have killed your friends. Every friend is now dead."

"Yeah. They're in Room 1408. The room's empty."

"We're here to do the job. And we don't rattle."

"[before throwing the ashtray through the window, thereby letting the room explode] The decor is in tatters... And the staff surly... But on the Shiver Scale, I award the Dolphin... ten skulls!"

"[speaking nonchalantly to the ghoulish apparition in the vents as the room burns] Keep quiet, you bastard."

"It's an evil fucking room."

"I've lived the life of a selfish man. But I don't have to die that way."

"I warned you about 1408."

"Its as much a metaphysical mind bender as it is a horror film."

"This may not all be real. I may not even be real. But this fire... That's gotta be real."

"Despite all of these recycled plot elements bobbing around, there's nothing stale about 1408, which is easily the best horror film of 2007."

"In the name of democracy, freedom, stuff like that... I hereby kidnap myself, and I'm taking the ship with me!"

"Apparently you can't be president with a whole brain."

"Whoo, they're on our tail! Fire a gun! Launch a missile! Do some damage! Come on!"

"Anna Chancellor – Questular Rontok"

"John Malkovich – Humma Kavula"

"I've been stranded on a strange planet for a number of years, I haven't been avoiding you. You look great, you're doing well. You've grown, obviously."

"If there's anything more important than my ego on this ship, I want it caught and shot right now. Hey, c'mon, I love it."

"I'm just gonna go… find something else for my whole life to be about."

"Stephen Fry – The Guide/Narrator"

"Zooey Deschanel – Trillian"

"Sam Rockwell – Zaphod Beeblebrox"

"It's a tough galaxy. If you want to survive, you've gotta know … where your towel is."

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so."