Comedy Films

"[After Irving defecates on the restaurant wall] EW, GRANDPA, YOU SHARTED !"

"Madison Davis - Juggalo Girl"

"[While making a ham sandwich in the store] Now, let's get some damn mustard."

"[To Billy at the diner] I think all this bacon is getting to Grandpa. [Farts]"

"I might be too old to fry the rice, but I can still chop the suey, that's for sure."

"I may be too old to stir the gravy but I'm still old enough to lick the spoon, that's for damn sure! [Chuckles]"

"David Krumholtz"

"Martin Starr"

"Sir, can you help me? Can you help me, sir? I don't expect you to understand but I have my penis stuck in the soda machine!"

"My Spanish name is El Mucho Ding-Dong."

"Emma Watson"

"Jay Baruchel"

"Danny McBride"

"Craig Robinson"

"Mindy Kaling"

"Grasie Mercedes - Hostess"

"[About his deceased wife] She was a pain in my ass when we were married and she passed away, she's still being a pain in my ass!"

"George Faughnan - Juggalo Guy"

"Michael Cera"

"Welcome to Heaven, motherfuckers."

"Nothing ruins a party like the end of the world"

"Ending Summer 2013"

"I'm gonna titty-fuck you, Seth. [Seth Rogen: DON'T TITTY-FUCK ME!] What are they, big B's or small C's? I'm gonna push your titties together. PUSH 'EM TOGETHER!"

"This is no dream! This is really happening! NO!"

"Something, um, not that chill happened last night."

"James Franco"

"You will drown in a river of blood. The end of days is here. You will quiver in the shadow of Kingdom Come. Judgement Day is upon you. The Apocalypse is NIGH!"

"Jonah Hill"

"If a huge earthquake happens, who do they rescue first? Actors. They'll get Clooney, Sandra Bullock, me. If there's room, you guys will come."

"Dear God, I'd like to pray for a second. It's me, Jonah Hill...from Moneyball."

"Christopher Mintz-Plasse"

"Seth Rogen"

"Warren Moon - Himself"

"Alex Vlisides - Vice Principal Van Nostrane"

"Alyson MacLaren - Andrea Framm"

"Joey Galloway - Himself"

"Suzanne Ristic - Principal Salter"

"Dick Martin - Phil Phil"

"Cynthia Stevenson - Jackie Framm (Josh's Mom)"

"Robert Costanzo - Coach Fanelli"

"Tim Conway - Fred Davis"

"Nora Dunn - Natalya"

"Air Bud - Himself (final film role)"

"Kevin Zegers - Josh Framm"

"Perry Anzilotti - Popov"

"Gregory Harrison - Dr. Patrick Sullivan"

"Shayn Solberg - Tom Stewart"

"Spock. Shuttlecraft has encountered strange alien matter. Have Chekov scan computer bank. Wong, proceed."

"It's now officially 8:01, people; let's move it! Come on, come on, while we're young! Herbert Jones, get off my car! Quickly, quickly, quickly. Come on, look lively, people, come on. Keep climbing; you won't get a nosebleed. Button that up, Carla. Herbert. Early bird. Worm. Think about it. Pull, Wanda. Pull."

"Well, now that you've enlightened me as to the real problem here, perhaps you should tell the President about your concerns. In fact, I think you should all pool your ideas together. I want you to draft a 500-word letter to the President on what you'd like the Government to do in order to save our education system. Now, Mr. Diplo will be in charge today. Mr. Diplo, I've given these students an assignment. Make sure they finish it by 1:00. If they're not finished, they can stay later."