"Just by a show of hands, how many people have a test that starts with the question, "True or false: Principal Dwight has three nipples"? [students laugh] Well that's a lot of you. Well it's false. Put false. I was born without nipples for your information, and it looks beautiful!"

"Stéhane Audrun - Lady Marie-Gilberte Covington"

"Frances McDormand - Miss Clavel"

"Nigel Hawthorne - Lord "cucuface" Covington"

"Joe Don Baker - Nick Snyderburn"

"Bill Cosby - Leonard Parker"

"Moses Gunn - Giorgio Francozzi"

"[after explaining to Leonard why replacing the fluids with dishwashing liquid made no difference] I could put Yoo Hoo in this and it would work."

"Clever, but dumb."

"Gloria Foster - Medusa Johnson"

"Tom Courtenay - Frayn"

"Pat Colbert - Allison Parker"

"Frayn: This was, I believe, the first recorded instance of a CIA agent being eaten alive by a rainbow trout!"

"Man Ray: Possums in Piedmont awaiting orders."

"Victoria Rowell - Joan Parker"

"Go easy, Monroe!"

"[after he fires at the door that didn't explode] Big door!"

"John Hostetter - Adams"

"[slurring from rain pouring on face] If I save the verld... would you move back in with me?"

"I got your ball, now let me in."

"The Bride gets the THRILLS! Father gets the BILLS!"

"Right then I knew we'd lost her. She'll always love us of course, but not in the old way. From now on her love will be handed out like a farmer's wife tossing scraps to the family rooster."

"I would like to say a few words about weddings. I've just been through one. Not my own. My daughter's. Someday in the far future I may be able to remember it with tender indulgence, but not now. I always used to think that marriages were a simple affair. Boy meets girl. Fall in love. They get married. Have babies. Eventually the babies grow up and meet other babies. They fall in love. Get married. Have babies. And so on and on and on. Looked at that way, it's not only simple, it's downright monotonous. But I was wrong. I figured without the wedding."

"Joan Bennett — Ellie Banks"

"Spencer Tracy — Stanley T. Banks"

"Elizabeth Taylor — Kay Dunstan"

"Don Taylor — Buckley Dunstan"

"Tommy (son)"

"Tom Irish — Ben Banks"

"Russ Tamblyn — Tommy Banks"

"Paul Harvey — Reverend Galsworthy"

"Leo G. Carroll — Mr. Massoula"

"Marietta Canty — Delilah"

"Ellie (wife)"

"Moroni Olsen — Herbert Dunstan"

"Billie Burke — Doris Dunstan"

"Kay (daughter)"

"Buckley Dunstan (son-in-law)"

"John Carradine — Cruikshank"

"Butch Patrick — Eddie"

"Al Lewis — Grandpa"

"Debbie Watson — Marilyn"

"Hermione Gingold — Lady Effigie Munster"

"Yvonne De Carlo — Lily"

"America's Funniest Family in their FIRST FULL-LENGTH FEATURE"

"Herman races the world's fastest cars in his DRAG-ULA special!"

"Fred Gwynne — Herman"

"Robert Pine — Roger Moresby"

"Terry-Thomas — Cousin Freddie Munster"

"Jeanne Arnold — Cousin Grace Munster"