Comedians From The United States

"go ahead. keep screaming "Shut The Fuck Up " at me. it only makes my opinions Worse"

"user named " beavis_sinatra " has been terrorizing me since 2004, by sending me pictures of cups that are too close to the edge of the table"

"ME: there is a new type of beer called "Wine" shirtless guy witht 104 followers: Shut the fuck up ME: Yes sir"

"the jduge orders me to take off my anonymous v mask & im wearing the joker makeup underneath it. everyone in the courtroom groans at my shit"

"the worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag is really good, like "yeah the country looks exactly like that. they nailed it""

"Bad news folks! i waited in line for 16 hours to see the queen. But by the time i got there she was fuckin DEAD!!!!!!"

"joke's on you; i actually love being body slammed by one dozen perfect wrestlers. and my mouth isn't filled with bloodm, it's victory wine"

"[man leans into doorway of WTC bathroom] "Hey, you gotta finish up in there. 9/11 is happening." "Alright. Just a sec.""

"the numa numa man just bougt a $70million house and im here at the library trying to photocopy a fruit roll up"

"blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin"

"the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron""

"koko the talking ape.. has been living high on the hog, wasting our tax dollars on high capacity diapers. No more. i will suplex that beast,"

"its the weekend baby. youknow what that means. its time to drink precisely one beer and call 911"

"it is with a heavy heart that i must announce that the celebs are at it again"

"and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad."

"now that elon has disposed of the left wing woke brigade I can finally post pictures of my COCK!!!"

"ive generated over 100,000 wordles in my head and completed them easily. what more can i say of it"

"no heaven or hell when you die, everyone is just herded into a room with a big scoreboard saying which person blasted the most Cum"

"ripleys suck my dick or not"

"for like 8 months i thought covid was one of those joke diseases where you ask "what's covid" and the other guy tells tou to suck his nuts"

"shitting on a Towel"

"everyone less mentally ill than me is Privileged, everyone more mentally ill than me is Toxic, everyone equally mentally ill to me is Cool"

"marijuana did columbine"

"how about instead of drop the ball on new years we drop the damn gas prices for onve"

"1st grade: Mastered. 2nd Grade: MAstered. 3rd Grade: Mastered. 4th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you 5th Grade:This ones hard"

"society is so much fucking Bitched ....."

"my biggest fear is that theres an earth quake while im jacking off and little pieces of cum start flyiyng into my mouth and all over my dog"

"theres a popular nursery rhyme in which the singer claims to be a teapot. this, for many children, is their first experience with "Trolling""

"the entire time youre watching the movie 101 Dalmatians, youre just thinking, This is so many more dalmations than usual. It is just fucked"

"playing the worlds most normal sized violin"

"i think it would be fucking stupid to be a fat ass caterpillar and have your entire body be made out of weak points"

"who cares. pick up a foot ball"

"Buffalo wild wing gets $0 tip for serving "Bones" to me in chicken, if i had wanted to eat bones i would take my Ass to the grave yard"

"i deserve th e most mentally ill president imaginable. 99 year old babbling doofus. Send us into the volcano sir"

""The Godfather: Part Iraq" (2004) In this 4th installment of the Godfather series, the godfathers head to iraq to settle the score, of 9/11."

"awfully bold of you to fly the Good Year blimp on a year that has been extremely bad thus far"

"drunk driving may kill a lot of people, but it also helps a lot of people get to work on time, so, it;s impossible to say if its bad or not,"

"THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset. ME: I agree"

"i just need to say, to anyone reading this.. You are Important, You are loved, and You belong in this world, if you have over 5000 followers"

"just found out about Object Permanence... why didnt any one tell me about this shit"

"ah, So u persecute just because he has different beliefs? Do Tell. (girls get mad at me) Sorry. Im sorry. Im trying to remove it"

"do not be afraid to talk to that lonely boy on the train ... with the rosy red cheeks, sun glasses & big cigar... he just mmight be... angel"

"Politic's is back baby. It's good again. Awoouu (wolf Howl)"

"its fucked up how there are like 1000 christmas songs but only 1 song aboutr the boys being back in town"

"DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor ME: No,"

"donlad trump reportedly says that normal type pokemon are a waste of time. they're just dirty birds & rats who have no right being a pokemon"

"Im the only man here who injects himself with a CIA Grade Truth Serum before each and every post i make. Remember only that"

"i would take so many bribes if i was a judge. half my shit would be bribes. take bribes from the criminals until theyre too poor to do crime"

"im not going to post about taking shits or shitting anymore . i Condemn all of my previous posts about shitting and asses"

"i regret to inform you, that by resorting to Swear language, you have forfeit this debate. Farewell my bitch"