"Oh yeah, it's great, Wilf. You deliver mail, have a cat and be nice to people. Every now and then you can rescue a sheep. It's the highest game around. Totally massive."

"[after turning off the Patbots with Carbunkle's phone] Please. Easiest game ever."

"Mike Disa as Jess the Cat/UDM 3000/Jessbot 3000"

"Darren Richardson as Alf Thompson"

"He's really taking off!"

"Olivia Poulet as Dorothy Thompson"

"[first lines] Oh, thanks, Jess. It wouldn't do to forget my hat on such a lovely morning."

"[last lines] You can't do this to me. I'm the future! I'll just move to America, I'm not even a bad guy there, YOU'LL SEE! I'll be back!, I'll Be Back I'LL BE BACK!!! Nobody understands genius."

"[first lines] Pat! Am I glad to see you."

"[To Mr. Brown] Give me the SDS, Brown. The days of lovable friendly mailmen helping quaint country characters with their stupid little problems is over. The future belong to machines. AND TO ME!!! [laughing maniacally]"

"[After firing all of SDS' human employees] [chuckles evilly] Robots, report for duty. We're taking over this operation. At last, no more inefficient humans cluttering up my mailroom. Now that everyone loves Postman Pat, they'll turn a blind eye as I replace every deliveryman in the Special Delivery Service with my glorious money-making machines! [laughs] Profits will skyrocket! The board of directors will retire that weak-kneed Brown AND PROMOTE ME TO CEO! And I won't stop there. We'll diversify into other businesses. We'll make automated Bank Tellers, Robotic technical support, even COMPUTER ANIMATED MOVIES! [laughing evilly] FLY, MY PRETTIES! FLY! FLY! Today England, TOMORROW, THE WORLD! [laughs evilly]"

"[To Pat] Oh, no. You're not ruining this now. I've finally got that fool of a CEO where I want him. If it were up to him, SDS would stay a quaint little delivery service dedicated to Customer Service and The Human Touch. Bleh! [Pat: But I-I thought that's what all this was for. To help keep SDS the way it's always been.] Your publicity was to make people love Postman Pat. [Shows Pat a video of Patbots marching out of the SDS Sorting Office on his Phone] Now, I can replace all of SDS's human workers with Patbots! And when I become CEO, SDS will become the biggest, most Profitable company in the world!"

"[as the people of Greendale confront him about the PATBOT 3000's behavior] Look, I know he's been a bit off lately, but this is Pat we're talking about. He'd never let us down on purpose."

"[To Mrs. Goggins] Madam, this is private property and you are trespassing. Shall I ring someone to show you out?"

"[After watching Pat's performance on TV] Yes. Yes, they do."

"[Breaking the fourth wall] A robot would never embarrass the company like this."

"[While showing Mr. Brown an image of the UDM 3000] This programmable postman is 10x faster than a human. The perfect worker."

"[after Wilf snatches his game console from him] Hey! I was playing that."

"[After the meeting with Mr. Brown] SDS will use my robots, Mr. Brown. And once they've replaced your postmen, I'll replace you. [laughs evilly]"

"[Introducing the PATBOT 3000 to Pat] The PATBOT 3000. This mechanical marvel will be taking over your postal duties. Temporarily, of course."

"My uncle was eaten by Dingos, Mr. Brown."

"Thought I sing a song."

"I've had a few dancing lessons too."

"A talent agent with only one client?"

"STOP! STOP THE SHOW!!"

"Oh my allergies."

"[first lines] Lots of wasted time, space and energy here, Ben. Not sure even my machines can save this place."

"Oh yeah, that was good. [Wilf hits his head] Ow! What'd you do that for? [Wilf: Don't clap for your enemy!] But he's good."

"You should have stuck to letters, Pat! You need to be willing to stop at nothing to make in showbiz! I learned that from Hannah Montana."

"Jings, Crivens and help ma boab. He's a robot."

"I'm gonna have to keep an eye on this Postman Pat."

"[while playing a video game with Jess] Pat, your cat's amazing. He's already beaten Wilf's high score. What's his name?"

"You are...Postman Clifton."

"[repeated line] Meow."

"I don't feel like a very happy man."

"This is just too good to be true! Postman Pat's a cheat! Robots can't enter talent competitions!"

"Dad's muffed it. Hasn't he, Mum?"

"Jess? Oi, Jess!"

"[after hearing You're the One is coming to Greendale] Dad? Did you hear that? They're coming here!"

"Are you sure, Dad? I'm getting pretty good."

"Dad, I don't play for Pencaster yet."

"[to the PATBOT 3000] Well then, good luck. And remember, the most important thing for a postman is... [PATBOT 3000: Speed, Efficiency, Ruling the world.] Well. I was going to say being friendly. You know the human touch."

"[after seeing all the people of Greendale at the sorting office] It looks like everyone in town's here. I wonder what's going on Jess? [Jess meows 'I don't know']"

"Pat's under a lot of pressure. I'm sure he'll be back to normal once this telly business blows over."

"Pat, you're not going along with this are you?"

"[To Stagehand Robin] Lose the cat."

"[after the PATBOT 3000 has fired Ben Taylor] Dad, you can't do this. Ben is your best friend. You've always told the most important things in the world are friends and family. Didn't you mean it?"