"Well at the risk of being immodest, you have just been thrice fucked by the very best. It's probable no other man will ever bring you to the raptures I will. I feel bad for you."

"[after she kisses Max McCandless] We will need less of your tongue in the future. But overall, most agreeable."

"You, like me, are a creature of freedom in the moment."

"[on the wailing infant] I must go punch that baby."

"[to Duncan, about sex] Why do people not just do this all the time?"

"I have adventured it and found nothing but sugar and violence. It is most charming."

"My father once told me, "Always carve with compassion." He was a fucking idiot, but it's not bad advice."

"This is Martha. She is my new friend who has not been fucked in twenty years! Is that not astonishment? I hope you use your hand between your legs to keep yourself happy?"

"She's an experiment. Her brain and her body are not quite synchronized. But she is progressing at an accelerated pace."

"[Having dinner with Max] Spermatic ejaculation can only induce homeostasis in me if accompanied by prolonged stimulation of higher nerve centers whose pressure on the ductless glands changes the chemistry of my blood not for a few spasmodic minutes, but for many days. [Max responds mono-syllabically non-plussed] I am a eunuch and cannot fuck her! To get a sexual response from my body would take the same amount of electricity as runs North London. Besides, my paternal feelings seem to outweigh my sexual thoughts."

"Jerrod Carmichael - Harry Astley"

"I’m a changeable feast, as are all of we."

"I am finding being alive fascinating."

"Money is its own form of sickness."

"I am Bella Baxter. I am a flawed, experimenting person. I seek outings and adventures. Bella's so much to discover. And there is a world to enjoy, circumnavigate. It is the goal of all to improve, advance, progress, grow."

"[Mockingly to Max in a mental institution] "We're all masters of our own ships." You cunty cuntface dipshit!"

"Ricky Velez as Oscar"

"Lou Wilson as Richie"

"Moises Arias as Igor"

"Bel Powley as Kelsey"

"Obama ain't right. You got Obama wrong. Ain't nothing worse than that."

"You don't get to act all crazy your entire life because Dad died."

"Pete Davidson as Scott Carlin"

"Carly Aquilino as Tara"

"You look a little like Antonio Banderas, if I squint my eyes a bit."

"Your dad was a hero, and heroes are necessary, and they should be allowed to have families."

"Marisa Tomei as Margie Carlin"

"Thanks for the sex. It was wonderful until you started talking."

"I haven't been high in a while but I still do it, I like that lifestyle."

"If you have money, why would you ever live in Staten Island?"