"[In a French accent] Hello, cheri. We meet again. Is it fate? Is it meant to be? Is it written in the stars that we are destined to fraternize? [normal voice] I'D LIKE TO THINK SO! HA HA HAA!"

"Let's rock this joint!"

"[After robbing the bank, to Dorian's henchmen] Sorry, fellas. Waste not, want not."

"Uh-oh...can't make the scene if you don't have the green; I better make a little stop."

"Sssomebody stop me!"

"Hold on, sugar! Daddy's got a sweet tooth tonight!"

"[Arriving at Ripley's Auto Finishing] Hold onto your lugnuts — cause it's tiiiiime for an overhaul!!!"

"This is incredible. With these powers, I could be...A SUPERHERO! I could fight crime, protect the innocent, work for World Peace! But first..."

"[acting as a balloon salesman to a group of thugs] Step right up here! Don't be shy! Nobody likes a bashful leather head! [Pause] MOVE IT! [the thugs approach him] For my first trick...I'll do something for you, son. [makes a giraffe-shaped balloon] We have a giraffe. [Offers it to a thug] There you go, son. Now get out of here. You bother me. Now...[pulls out what appears to be a used condom] Sorry, wrong pocket. For you, son. Little body English. [makes a poodle-shaped balloon] A French poodle. [Rips it apart before the thug can take it] Sorry, son. The dog was rabid. Had to put her down. And, last but not least, my favorite... [makes a gun-shaped balloon, which transforms into a submachine gun. He aims it at the thugs] A Tommy-gun! [the thugs run away. The Mask shoots at them, laughing manically]"

"[after being flattened onto the road] Look, Ma, I'm roadkill! Ha ha ha!"

"It's party time! P-A-R-T-whY? Because I gotta!"

"Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssmokin!"

"Richie, here is the peace in death that I could not give you in life!"

"So what are you, Jacob? A faithless preacher? Or a mean motherfuckin' servant of God?"

"I know what's going on. We got a bunch of fucking vampires out there trying to get in here and suck our fucking blood - and that's it, plain and simple! Now I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires", 'cause I don't fucking believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what I saw is fucking vampires!"

"[puts a gun to Sex-Machine's head] You touch my brother with that stake, biker, and vampires won't have to suck your blood. They'll be able to lick it up off the floor."

"I know that I have put you through hell, and I know that I have been one rough pecker. But from here on, you are all in my cool book."

"Do you think this is who I am? I am a professional thief, I don't run around killing people I don't have to."

"Don't you ever try and fucking run on us, 'cause I've got six little friends and they can all run faster than you can."

"Let me explain the house rules. Follow the rules, we'll get along like a house on fire. Rule number one: No noise, no questions. You make a noise... [holds up gun] Mr. .44 makes a noise. You ask a question, Mr. .44 answers it."

"Now I'm gonna ask you one question, and all I want is a yes or no answer: Do you wanna live through this?"

"Well, your best better get a hell of a lot fucking better, or you are gonna feel a hell of a lot fucking worse. Everybody be cool. You — be cool!"

"Michael Parks - Texas Ranger Earl McGraw"

"Fred Williamson - Frost"

"Tom Savini - Sex Machine"

"Danny Trejo - Razor Charlie"

"Cheech Marin - Border Guard/Chet Pussy/Carlos"

"Salma Hayek - Santanico Pandemonium"

"Ernest Liu - Scott Fuller"

"Juliette Lewis - Kate Fuller"

"Quentin Tarantino - Richard Gecko"

"George Clooney - Seth Gecko"

"Harvey Keitel - Jacob Fuller"

"How far can Too Far go?"

"One night is all that stands between them and freedom. But it's going to be one hell of a night."

"The Showdown is on."

"From Quentin Tarantino. From Robert Rodriguez. From Dusk Till Dawn."

"Vampires. No Interviews."

"A terrifying evil has been unleashed. And five strangers are our only hope to stop it."

"Do you know what it was like to dance with that snake in a bikini? That's probably the biggest challenge I have ever encountered."

"I had to work with Harvey Keitel, and my character was supposed to dominate him. Now, nobody but nobody dominates Harvey on screen. I did my best, but when I look at the result, I can see him throw in a gesture, raise an eyebrow, or even take a pause, and he takes focus. That's why he's Harvey Keitel, and I'm just a lucky guy with the best job in the world."

"Sex Machine: Now let's kill that fuckin' band."

"Earl McGraw: Jesus H. Christ, Pete. When you gonna learn that microwave food'll kill you faster than a bullet? I mean, them damn burritos ain't good for nothing but a hippie, when he's high on weed."

"[As a vampire] You know what they say about me? I suck!"

"Attention pussy shoppers! Take advantage of our penny pussy sale! If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny! Try and beat pussy for a penny! If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere, fuck it!"

"Alright, pussy, pussy, pussy! Come on in Pussy lovers! Here at the Titty Twister we’re slashing pussy in half! Give us an offer on our vast selection of pussy, this is a pussy blow out! Alright, we got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy. We got hot pussy, cold pussy. We got wet pussy. We got smelly pussy. We got hairy pussy, bloody pussy. We got snapping pussy. We got silk pussy, velvet pussy, naugahyde pussy. We even got horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy. C'mon, you want pussy, come on in Pussy Lovers! If we don't got it, you don't want it! Come on in Pussy lovers!"

"[on his impending vampirization] I'll be a lap dog of Satan."

"Every person who... chooses the service of God as his life's work has something in common. I don't care if you're a preacher, a priest, a nun, a rabbi or a Buddhist monk. Many, many times during your life you will look at your reflection in a mirror and ask yourself: am I a fool? I'm not going through a lapse; what I've experienced is closer to awakening."

"I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fuckin' bastard."