I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

"Jack Dee: "One day a small girl called Sophia climbed right inside the tumble dryer...""

"Jack Dee: "In spite of warnings, little Stu would taunt the lions in the zoo...""

"Jack Dee: "'I see dead people!' claimed young Cole, which made his mother drop her bowl...""

"Jack Dee: "The infant Mike had such bad genes, he lived on top shelf magazines...""

"Jack Dee: "'Do not put', his mum told Ted, 'that plastic bag upon your head'...""

"Jack Dee: "Despite the warnings, naughty Sue would feed the monkeys in the zoo...""

"Jack Dee: "Despite the warnings, naughty Mya climbed right inside the tumble dryer...""

"Jack Dee: "A stubborn boy whose name was Norm, flew his kite in a lightning storm...""

"Jack Dee: "Without permission, stupid Jake went skating on a frozen lake...""

"Jack Dee: "Young James thought it would be a lark, to ride upon a great white shark...""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Southern or Northern Rail - We're not happy 'til you're not happy.""

"Miles Jupp: "Disneyland - Because if you don't take them, they will never shut up!""

"Miles Jupp: "McDonald's - We have toilets!""

"Barry Cryer: "The Noise Abatement Society - ...""

"John Finnemore: "Fray Bentos - Don't ask, don't tell.""

"Miles Jupp: "The Wild Bean Café - You have literally no other option!""

"Barry Cryer: "Tesco ready meals - Horses for courses!""

"Barry Cryer: Wetherspoons - When you just have to get pissed at 7.00am.""

"Caroline Quentin: "Amazon - Cos tax doesn't need to be taxing.""

"Tony Hawks: "Waitrose - Two for the price of five.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The French Riviera - Naughty but Nice!""

"Tony Hawks: "Aldi - When you can't afford Lidl.""

"Caroline Quentin: "Apple - Think different. Think ungramattical.""

"Tony Hawks: "Instagram - Cos you don't read good.""

"Tony Hawks: "The Internet - It's what your right arm's for.""

"Caroline Quentin: "TENA - When clenching just isn't enough.""

"Rory Bremner: "If I had a hammer...""

"Rory Bremner: "I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a bore...""

"Andy Hamilton: "Well you can tell by the way I walk, I'm a woman's man...""

"Rachel Parris: "Do you remember the twenty-first night of September...?""

"Rachel Parris: "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings...""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Ground control to Major Tom...""

"Miles Jupp: "I got chills, they're multiplyin'...""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "The road is long, with many a winding turn...""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where the wedding has been...""

"Vicki Pepperdine: "Knowing me, knowing you...""

"Henning Wehn: [In a singing voice comparable with that of Jeremy Hardy] "You must remember this...""

"Henning Wehn: "I am just a poor boy, though my story's seldom told..." [Breaks into laughter]"

"Tony Hawks: "I can't give you anything but my love...""

"Tony Hawks: "She was just seventeen, well you know what I mean...""

"Pippa Evans: "Once I had a love and it was a gas, soon turned out had a...""

"Pippa Evans: "Grt your motor runnin', head out on the highway...""

"Pippa Evans: "I gotta feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night...""

"Miles Jupp: "Mmmbop, bop-da-doo-wop, doo-waa mmmbop, ba-ba-ba doo-wa, doo-waa mmmbop...""

"Rob Brydon: "If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you?""

"Rob Brydon: "Listen to the ground, there is music all around...""

"Tony Hawks: "It ain't no big thing...""

"Tony Hawks: "I met a gin soaked bar-room queen in Memphis, she tried to take me upstairs for a ride...""

"Tony Hawks: "I've been alone with you inside my mind, and in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times, I sometimes see you pass outside my door, Hello...""

"Pippa Evans: "At 7pm tonight, tiny insects discuss fashion accessories. That's Fleabag on BBC Two"."