The Apprentice (British TV series)

"Philip Taylor: (after performing his Pantsman jingle in a London studio) One take, that's all I do, one take."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I don't know what you're smiling for. A loss is a loss."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to James when questioning him on his CV) When you wake up in the morning you can taste success in your spit" is that right? ... What did you have, a curry last night?"

"Kate Walsh: (aimed at Ben) No “sex sells” ideas. That's why I'm project manager for this task, there's no red bikinis coming out"

"Ben Clarke: I'm a natural born leader. Sandhurst clearly saw that in me."

"Margaret Mountford: This has to be one of the most, stupid activities they have yet engaged in!"

"Paula Jones: I wonder if we could clean people?"

"James McQuillan: I think he's going to take me into the boardroom and do you know what, I feel bloody hurt. It just shows the gratitude. I honesty feel like I did when my cat died. It's like a hurt inside."

"Debra Barr: (back in the penthouse) I'm not really bothered whether you're successful or fail. Your failure's my success... not to be nasty."

"Philip Taylor: Noorul's put me with Kimberly who's meant to be some marketing guru in her own little head, but she's dumb as a doorknob."

"Nick Hewer: (Referring to ignite's "Pantsman" idea in the boardroom) They took logic and tortured it until it screamed."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Philip) With all this bravado that you've got, when you soar like an eagle you know, you attract a hunter. And at the moment I feel like I've got a 12-bore shotgun in my hand, do you understand? Because you're coming across a little bit laid back and cocky to me so you tell me why I shouldn't fire you. Phillip Taylor: Right, bottom line is I'm just a bloke from Durham who sells house with a big head. And what I'm saying is that none of these two can win this competition. They can't win it! I can win this! Sir Alan Sugar: Who should get fired then? Phillip Taylor: (to Kimberly despite his animosity with Lorraine) You know what? I think we've settled our differences with Lorraine, but I think you're that naive you've brought me back here I'm frankly disgusted. I think you should go."

"Debra Barr: (snaps at a startled Nick Hewer) How can you say that Nick? How can you say that?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (after his latest firing) I've got this feeling about Noorul. All I can say is, whoever employs him, better get a receipt."

"Bordan Tkachuk: (having listened to Claire for a long time) Okay, just hang on one second. Let me ask a question and give you time to breathe."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You think you can play and second guess me? Well let me tell you - I am as hard to play as a Stradivarius. And you lot, I can tell you, are as easy to play as bongo drums!"

"Mona Lewis: (holding a feather duster) What's this? Yasmina Siadatan: It's a duster"

"Paula Jones: I don't think the food is up to scratch. It looks like it's come from a funeral at a working man's club."

"Ben Clarke: I’m quite happy to go along the “sex sells” route with this one."

"Ben Clarke: (about James) He wasn't exactly Winston Churchill."

"Philip Taylor: I enjoy the odd cosmetic and from past experience with former girlfriends I've got a fair grasp of the market."

"Noorul Choudhury:Right, okay! Um... (Long pause) Howard Ebison: What are our options? (even longer pause) Margaret Mountford: (on Noorul's awful leadership) I think if it was left to Noorul, they wouldn't have done anything."

"James McQuillan: I feel like a monkey learning to use tools."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (questioning the bright green box design) It wouldn’t have looked out of place in the fertilisers section or the cat food."

"Yasmina Siadatan: (normal voice) She's like, (in Kimberly's voice) "Today's my day! It's the day I've been waiting for! I'm gonna step up! You're gonna see my fight today!""

"Ben Clarke: (in the voice of Sir Alan) Ben! (Yasmina and Kate start laughing) I can't decide whether you alienate yourself, or your just no bleedin' good! Kate Walsh: Did he actually say that? Ben Clarke: (normal voice) Yeah. (normal voice) Sir Alan, Sir Alan, I'm going to show you, I'm going to... (In Sir Alan's voice) I've heard enough! You've nearly talked yourself out the bleedin' door! Just shut up! (Kate and Yasmina carry on laughing) Kate Walsh: I've never known anyone go into the boardroom, like very unlikely to get fired, and then ruin it so much for themselves. Ben Clarke: (normal voice) Talk it. Yasmina Siadatan: Just by talking. Ben Clarke: Talk themselves into trouble. Yasmina Siadatan: Trying to create the opposite effect. Ben Clarke: Story of my life. Talk myself into trouble. (All start laughing) Ben Clarke: (In Sir Alan's voice on what he thinks the task will be) The British film industry brings in, a billion quid a year. And from that billion quid, half that revenue is used for purchasing bog roll for the box. You're gonna go today and make some bog roll. Happy bog-rolling! Off you go, with your dossier!"

"Noorul Choudhury: (at the end of his taxi interview) You haven't seen the last of me. You may have seen the last of Pants Man, but you certainly haven't seen the last of Noorul Choudhury."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You valued the skeleton, right? Noorul Choudhury: Right. Sir Alan Sugar: I'll tell you what, the bleeding skeleton could have done a better job than the lot of you! You got it valued at the right price, why did you sell it at that ridiculous price? Nick Hewer: It probably wasn't going at all until Ben stepped in and closed the deal. Noorul Choudhury: I disagree with the fact that you say that Ben closed the deal... Nick Hewer: I'm sure of it. Noorul Choudhury: I was in conversation with the guy the whole time... Sir Alan Sugar: Ben, who closed the deal, you or him? Ben Clarke: I just said, "will you take sixty quid," I just stepped in to get the job done. Noorul Choudhury: The money did exchange in my hands. Nick Hewer: (rolls eyes) Well, maybe it did. But he closed the deal. Sir Alan Sugar: What, was you the cashier?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Debra) You find another way of addressing yourself, right? And stop talking to him like he’s a second class citizen."

"Ben Clarke: I think I'm going to bring back Noorul, and I think I'm also going to bring back... James. Sir Alan Sugar: James? James McQuillan: What?! [to Sir Alan] Ooh, sorry. Ben Clarke: I don't know what exactly he contributed. But then again, I'm torn between James and Debra. Debra Barr: Bring me in, mate! I'm well up for it. Take me in, and we can sit here and explain about this task. Sir Alan Sugar: What have you picked on him [James] for? Ben Clarke: I'm going to bring back Noorul and Debra. I was struggling to identify what exactly James had done... Sir Alan Sugar: I hope you're bringing in people for the right reasons. I hope you're not thinking about James, that there might be a village missing an idiot somewhere."

"Karren Brady: Do you have that all-round business experience? Alex Wotherspoon: I've got as much experience as I could have at my age at twenty-four. Karren Brady: Alex, I was twenty-three when I was running Birmingham City Football Club. You're a year older."

"Paul Kemsley: I want to see this silly impression of a dinosaur that you do. Lee McQueen: Of a reverse pterodactyl? Paul Kemsley: I've got to see it. Lee McQueen: Do you want to see it? Paul Kemsley: Absolutely. Lee McQueen: Unbelievable. Paul Kemsley: Go on. Lee McQueen: Okay-(he performs his reverse pterodactyl impression and then sits back down) Impressive? Paul Kemsley: I don't think Sir Alan would be too impressed. I didn't find it funny but he definitely wouldn't. Lee McQueen: No, and I wouldn't do a reverse pterodactyl in front of Sir Alan- Paul Kemsley: Why don't you just say "No" then? This is a serious interview. It's a serious job."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Claire after he fires Lucinda and has listened to her reason as to why she should stay) I'm gonna let you stay. (to the other candidates) In fact, I'm gonna let you all stay. (sighs of relief from Helene and Lee) And the reason for that, is because you're all very, very good candidates I think. You've all got something in you. And so, all four of you are in the final."

"Sir Alan Sugar: This is job interview from hell. First prize, you get to work for me. Second prize, don't exist."

"Anita Shah: Well done, girls! We're in budget. (after spending all but £2.30 of their £200 budget)"

"Margaret Mountford: Never before in the history of carwashing have so few cars been cleaned by so many people in such a long time."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (after Empire win the task) You look surprised. Howard Ebison: Relieved."

"Ben Clarke: I've got a scholarship to Sandhurst. Philip Taylor: Have you? Ben Clarke: Yeah. James McQuillan: (under his breath) Bloody hell. (Philip looks unconvinced) Philip Taylor: Did you go? Ben Clarke: No."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to James) Who do you think should get fired? James McQuillan: Out of the three of us? I think you should fire the pair of them."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Rocky, you make sandwiches for a living, you've got these 15 shops, you employ 150 people... To come in with a loss is, inconceivable as far as I'm concerned. Rocky Andrews: I'm embarrassed and very disappointed- Sir Alan Sugar: Embarrassed?"

"Ben Clarke: I am the best looking."

"Ben Clarke: I would say Kim, clinically speaking would be considered obese. And James isn't obese, but you can tell he's not exactly fit. He could do with going for a few runs."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Maj, general feeling among my two colleagues here is that you just hand around on the periphery. You don't actually do anything."

"Paula Jones: (unaware that she’s spent over £700 on luxury oils and fragrances) The cost of fragrance is naff all."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Paula’s excuse that she's no good with numbers) You know how to work out redundancy on a calculator, don't you?"

"Ben Clarke: I've got a scholarship to Sandhurst."

"Dru Masters: (after Philip’s performance) He's certainly got some confidence... He may think he's Bono."

"Mona Lewis: (to a confused audience of creative advertising executive) The slogan we've come up with is “Put your pants on the right way.” Not like a superhero, 'cos he's the only one allowed to get away with it. So basically when you eat our cereal you won't dress up like pants man 'cos you're not pants man, only pants man gets away with his pants over his clothes..."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (Commenting on Ben's Pirate Voice) I thought I heard a hoarse Ian Paisley there."

"Noorul Choudhury: You've seen that Ben is very volatile, the fact he doesn't let anyone speak. He comes across as rude, he comes across as arrogant... Sir Alan Sugar: I know. I've noticed he speaks down to so many people I'm getting a rick in my neck looking up. Noorul Choudhury: My vocal cords aren't as loud as Ben but I will know when to shut up but I also know when to defend myself. I think you also need to know is, ever since Ben, we've been into the penthouse all you've done is talk about "Ooh I wonder how many magazine deals I can do." Ben Clarke: Absolutely not! I certainly haven't! Noorul Choudhury: Oh, you have! Oh, you have! Oh, you have! !Ben Clarke: That is a very unfair thing to bring up. Those are the signs of a desperate man! Noorul Choudhury: Desperate? Ben, I'm being factual. Sir Alan Sugar: I don't want to hear from anybody else now. But Ben, I'm worried you're a broken man.(Ben tries to speak up) I said I don't want to hear anything. Noorul, with all due respect I think you've been a bit lucky sometimes and some of your colleagues have in fact been outraged by the fact that you weren't brought into the boardroom on many occasions when they were. Debra, I cannot put up with someone with a mouth like yours. I certainly don't like the way I've been told you speak to people, as if you're something special. Because, trust me, you're nothing special. But Noorul, I don't know what you've been doing here and I think you have escaped the radar. You're Fired! Noorul Choudhury: (as he gets up to leave) Thanks for the opportunity."