I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

"Jeremy Hardy: "Coq in a vin.""

"Barry Cryer: "A full-bodied 69, you can keep your macon"."

"Barry Cryer: "Mange toot-toot.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Chili con car-key.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Carparkio of beef.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "De-icer cream.""

"Graeme Garden: "And for Jewish travellers, unleaded bread, and that's to celebrate the Feast of the Overpass.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Jellied wheels.""

"Barry Cryer: "Shakespeare in Hove.""

"Graeme Garden: "Edward Fingerhands.""

"Jeremy Hardy: "Civiless in Seattle.""

"Graeme Garden: "The Bourne Soup Recipe.""

"Barry Cryer: "The Sound of Mucus.""

"Jeremy Hardy: "Being John Craven.""

"Barry Cryer: "The Texas Cold Sore Massacre.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Who Wants to Be a Milliner?""

"Jeremy Hardy: "Seven Dwarfs for Seven Samurai.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Tale of Mr. Tiggy's Winkle.""

"Barry Cryer: "Night Nurse on Elm Street.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Reservoir Ducks.""

"Miles Jupp: "Night of the Living Happily in Surrey.""

"Barry Cryer: "The Knicker Man.""

"Graeme Garden: "The Blair Bush Project.... actually that was pretty scary!""

"Samantha tell us she has to nip off now to see her gentleman beautician friend now, who has a leg hair treatment for her. He lays ribbons of sticky wax paper on her thighs and then lets them dry. Then, Samantha says, she likes to watch as he rips the paper strips and wax off for her..."

"While Samantha nips out to warm up her little Morris..."

"While Samantha nips over to Prague for a quick check-up..."

"Miles Jupp: "I always find it a bit strange eating here.""

"Caroline Quentin: "Well this is a complete waste of a Saturday.""

"Tony Hawks: "Coming in a flatpack wasn't quite what I had in mind.""

"Henning Wehn: "I think you've given me something you shouldn't have.""

"Miles Jupp: "You don't want one of those dangling too low or the cat will have them off with their claws.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Someone's in luck, I've hidden a sixpence inside.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "I am so sorry, I should've put it in much earlier!""

"Miles Jupp: "I can't wait for the binmen to come...""

"Miles Jupp: "Well, I thought the vicar put on a very good show.""

"Henning Wehn: "Well I suppose it's the thought that counts.""

"Miles Jupp: "Oh, I see, it's a sort of miniature tool.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Stick a bit of tinsel on the top, that usually perks it up.""

"Henning Wehn: "Well, that's it for another year...""

"Gary Delaney: "Turn over now, please!""

"Rory Bremner: "Miss Wilson showed us this last term.""

"Pippa Evans: "Excuse me, when I'm finished, I'm allowed 15 minutes on my own.""

"Gary Delaney: "There was a lot to take in, but somehow I managed it!""

"Rory Bremner: "I'll need another sheet.""

"Lucy Porter: "I'll need you to shine a torch so I can see where I'll be sitting.""

"Harry Enfield: "Scared, Potter?""

"Lucy Porter: "Show me the money!""

"Harry Enfield: "Here's Johnny!""

"Harry Enfield: "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!""

"Samantha has just returned from congratulating a local builder friend who successfully bid for a contract this week. He said she was delighted to see his little firm won."