I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

"Rory Bremner: "Out of range the battery's dead"

"Tony Hawks: "We look at your rectal issues"

"Miles Jupp: "Good news about your application"

"Harry Enfield: "Come and buy a lovely vape"

"Willie Rushton: "Tadpole Dundee""

"Graeme Garden: "The Chi-Hua-Hua of the Baskervilles""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "EM Forster's 'A Passage to Islington'""

"Willie Rushton: (on James Bond books) "'Casino Royale' has now become 'Bingo with Princess Michael', 'Thunderball' is 'Drizzle Pillock', 'Dr. No' is 'First aid kit in the boot, possibly', and my favourite I think is 'Octopussy' has become 'Unipart'.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Balshazzar's Sandwich""

"Barry Cryer: "Winkles in cider.""

"Rob Brydon: "She's very good with ice-cream dishes, I'd like to see her lick the nuts off a large Neapolitan!""

"Graeme Garden: "And there's Antony Worrall Thompson's crabs on ginger nuts!""

"Miles Jupp: "I always find it a bit strange eating here.""

"Caroline Quentin: "Well this is a complete waste of a Saturday.""

"Tony Hawks: "Coming in a flatpack wasn't quite what I had in mind.""

"Henning Wehn: "I think you've given me something you shouldn't have.""

"Miles Jupp: "You don't want one of those dangling too low or the cat will have them off with their claws.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Someone's in luck, I've hidden a sixpence inside.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "I am so sorry, I should've put it in much earlier!""

"Miles Jupp: "I can't wait for the binmen to come...""

"Miles Jupp: "Well, I thought the vicar put on a very good show.""

"Henning Wehn: "Well I suppose it's the thought that counts.""

"Miles Jupp: "Oh, I see, it's a sort of miniature tool.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Stick a bit of tinsel on the top, that usually perks it up.""

"Henning Wehn: "Well, that's it for another year...""

"Gary Delaney: "Turn over now, please!""

"Rory Bremner: "Miss Wilson showed us this last term.""

"Pippa Evans: "Excuse me, when I'm finished, I'm allowed 15 minutes on my own.""

"Gary Delaney: "There was a lot to take in, but somehow I managed it!""

"Rory Bremner: "I'll need another sheet.""

"Lucy Porter: "I'll need you to shine a torch so I can see where I'll be sitting.""

"Harry Enfield: "Scared, Potter?""

"Lucy Porter: "Show me the money!""

"Harry Enfield: "Here's Johnny!""

"Harry Enfield: "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "This is Gold Leader, I'm going in.""

"Miles Jupp: "D'you, erm, d'you think your parents would enjoy this?""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "We did it, Sam; we destroyed the Ring!""

"Adrian Edmondson: "Well, that's the last time we have your parents round.""

"Henning Wehn: "This reminds me of my time in prison...""

"Adrian Edmondson: "Oh, no! I think I left the giblets in!""

"Henning Wehn: "In some cultures it's polite to burp afterwards.""

"Miles Jupp: "Just ten more minutes, the meat really needs to rest.""

"Adrian Edmondson: "But remember to chew every mouthful.""

"Miles Jupp: "I've put some little bowls out so you can clean your fingers.""

"Adrian Edmondson: "Smack the bottom really hard and see if anything comes out.""

"Adrian Edmondson: "Ooh, what a lovely spread.""

"Rachel Parris: "Shall I be mother?""

"Henning Wehn: "This is mostly crust!""

"Jack Dee: "Aberdeen Angus underbelly with wild salmon top, after which you could have a sorbet.""