"Well, you see, Aborigines don't own the land. They belong to it. It's like their mother. See those rocks? Been standing there for 600 million years. Still be there when you and I are gone. So arguing over who owns them is like two fleas arguing over who owns the dog they live on."

"[singing] Up North in the Never Never / Where the land is harsh and bare / Lives a mighty hunter named Mick Dundee / Who can dance like Fred Astaire!"

"[sings in the bathtub] If I give my heart to you... [pause] then I'll have none and you'll have two."

"No wonder you have so many accidents around here, the steering wheel's on the wrong side of the car!"

"[as Alyssa] Ladies and gentlemen, normally, I'd be tickled to play a selection from... [briefly eyes the sheet music cover: "Frederic Chopin- Eight Pieces for the Piano"] ... Chopin, but in honor of my new stepmother, whom I absolutely adore, I've decided to play a little something of my own."

"Ellen-Ray Henessy - Fanny Butkis"

"Ernie Grunwald - Harry Butkis"

"Philip Bosco - Vincenzo"

"Jane Sibbett - Clarice Kensington"

"Kirstie Alley - Diane Barrows"

"Steve Guttenberg - Roger Callaway"

"Ashley Olsen - Alyssa Callaway"

"Mary-Kate Olsen - Amanda Lemmon"

"When it comes to making the perfect match...Two heads are better than one! Especially if they look exactly alike."

"Two identical strangers. Two different worlds. One perfect match."

"I made my money the old fashion way - pure dumb luck."

"[as Alyssa, after eating escargot] All this money, and these people eat slugs?!"

"Chris Evert as Court Commentator Chris Evert"

"John Barrett as Court Commentator John Barrett"

"Mary Carillo as Court Commentator Mary Carillo"

"John McEnroe as John McEnroe"

"James McAvoy as Carl Colt"

"Robert Lindsay as Ian Frazier"

"Austin Nichols as Jake Hammond"

"Nikolaj Coster-Waldau as Dieter Prohl"

"Eleanor Bron as Augusta Colt"

"Bernard Hill as Edward Colt"

"Jon Favreau as Ron Roth"

"Sam Neill as Dennis Bradbury"

"Paul Bettany as Peter Colt"

"Kirsten Dunst as Lizzie Bradbury"

"Call Letterman, call Leno, call Oprah."

"I really don't care who wins, I represent both players It's like asking which of my kids do I love more. Which of my kids do I love more? My daughter speak to you later."

"So that's cucumber cucumber and cucumber, they forgot to put the sandwich in my sandwich."

"Too bad, you could have used the workout."

"Hit this one... and I'll sleep with you."

"What are you talking about. The chalk flew up there's a mark right there."

"[After winning Wimbledon] Can I retire now, Mum?"

"[Walking out onto Centre Court] Fuck a duck."

"The reality is another story, my story. See that good looking fella? No, not the kid in white – the other tired, good looking fella. Yeah, him. Well, that's me. British Davis Cup, long time ago. Two singles titles, even longer ago. Presently ranked 119th in the world. Sport is cruel. Now, I know it doesn't sound too bad. 4 million tennis players in the world and I'm 119th, but what that really means is this: 118 guys out there are faster, stronger, better and younger."

"My parents are still together, which proves that love is not only blind, it's bloody stupid."

"Lizzie, Lizzie, don't say a word. I was thinking a repeat of the other night, like Fish and Chips, early to bed... Mr Bradbury, hello. Mr Bradbury?"

"Carl, you bastard."

"And may I say good body – luck! Shit."

"Ron, I genuinely despise you."

"Oh my god, shouldn't he be off learning about masturbation or something?"