First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"You'd rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make memories of your own!"
"You kind of look like a shiny mermaid."
"Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind."
"Wanna find the ugliest stuff in the store and register Tess for it?"
"I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich."
"You would rather hang out with Italian models than come with me to my awesome work party?"
"William B. Davidson - Ernest Brown"
"Dorothy Peterson - Thelma"
"Russell Hopton - "Flea" Madigan"
"Gertrude Michael - Alicia Hatton"
"Kent Taylor - Kirk Lawrence"
"Ralf Harolde - "Slick" Wiley"
"Edward Arnold - "Big Bill" Barton"
"Gregory Ratoff - Benny Pinkowitz"
"Cary Grant - Jack Clayton"
"Mae West - Tira"
"Come up and see me sometime - any time!"
"A story about a gal who lost her reputation - and never missed it!"
"And don't forget. Come up and see me sometime."
"Well, Beulah, that's another performance under my belt and I still got the face...It's my fortune. When I was born with this face, it was the same as striking oil."
"Don't forget, honey. Never let one man worry your mind. Find 'em, fool 'em and forget 'em."
"Always remember, honey. A good motto is: Take all you can get and give as little as possible."
"I'm gonna be a bad girl and go home to bed. I'm tired of tossin' my hips."
"Am I makin' myself clear, boys? Suckers."
"Does it hurt when you do that? Don't do that."
"Oprah Winfrey"
"Deepak Chopra"
"Morgan Freeman (voice)"
"Val Kilmer (uncredited)"
"Kanye West"
"Jessica Simpson"
"Mariska Hargitay"
"Daniel Tosh - Cowboy Hat"
"Rob Huebel - Bar Patron / Cameo"
"Jim Gaffigan - Trent Lueders"
"Stephen Colbert - Jay Kell"
"John Oliver - Dick Pants"
"Manu Narayan - Rajneesh, Pitka's assistant"
"Telma Hopkins - Lillian Roanoke"
"Ben Kingsley - Guru Tugginmypudha"
"Omid Djalili - Guru Satchabigknoba / Gagandeep Singh"
"Verne Troyer - Coach Punch Cherkov"
"Megan Good - Prudence Roanoke"
"Roomany Malco - Darren Roanoke"
"Justin Timberlake - Jacques "Le Coq" Grandé"
"Jessica Alba - Jane Bullard"
"Mike Myers - Guru Maurice Pitka / Young Pitka / Teenage Pitka / Himself"
"Students, now I am going to teach you the "D" of drama. Distraction. Maurice, if Plato, Shakespeare and Einstein were talking about the meaning of life, and two elephants started humping outside, even they would rush to the window. It is the ultimate distraction."
"Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz."
"[answering cell phone] Dell Computers, this is Chip."