"Upper-class excrement! You wanna do me dirt, just because I know too much. I know that one percent of the population owns half the property in this country. And that vomiting one percent wants kosher killing, hung up so the blue blood drains out slow and easy. So, comrades, come rally and the last fight let us face. The international army unites the human race. [singing] I'm only a strolling vagabond So good night, pretty maiden, good night."

"Yes, he's a nutcase. Most of these titled fleabags are. Rich nobs and priveleged arseholes can afford to be bonkers. They're living in a dreamworld, aren't they, sir? Life's made too easy for 'em. They don't have to earn a livin', so they do just what they want to."

"Come, doctor, you said he needed a harsh dose of reality. Well, you can't get a harder dose of the stuff than marriage."

"[after electro-shock therapy] Deformed, unfinished, sent before my time into this breeding world. I'm cured of fantasy obsessions, paranoid delusions. I master words. 'I' - straighten up there. 'AM' - close up with 'I' - you horrible little word. 'GOD.' I AM GOD. Not the god of love, but God Almighty. I massacred the Amalekites and the Seven Nations of Canaan. I hacked Agag to pieces and blasted the barren fig tree, for the day of vengeance is in my heart! You lunar jackass, she betrayed you. Guilty, guilty, guilty. The punishment is death. I've finally been processed. They made me adjust to modern times. This is 1888, isn't it? I'm Jack, Cunning Jack, Quiet Jack. Jack whose sword never sleeps. Hats off, I'm Jack. Not the good shepherd, not the prince of peace. I'm red Jack, spring-heeled Jack, Jack from Hell. Trade name: Jack the Ripper! [He produces a knife, flicks it open, and slashes at a bag of flour] Mary, Annie, Elizabeth, Catherine, Alice, Mary Kelly. [singing] 'Six little whores, glad to be alive. One sidles up to Jack, and then there are five.'"

"Sometimes God turns His back on His people and breaks wind. And the stench clouds the globe!"

"For what I am about to receive, may I make myself truly thankful."

"Behaviour which would be considered insanity in a tradesman is looked upon as mild eccentricity in a lord."

"I was only trying to do what's expected me. I recall it's a sign of normalcy in our circle to slaughter anything that moves."

"If only I knew then who I was now."

"Francis X. Bushman – Mr. Tyson"

"Ellen Corby – Miss McCardle"

"Nella Walker – Maude Larrabee"

"Marcel Hillaire – The Professor"

"Marcel Dalio – Baron St. Fontanel"

"Joan Vohs – Gretchen Van Horn"

"Martha Hyer – Elizabeth Tyson"

"John Williams – Thomas Fairchild"

"Walter Hampden – Oliver Larrabee"

"William Holden – David Larrabee"

"Audrey Hepburn – Sabrina Fairchild"

"Humphrey Bogart – Linus Larrabee"

"...the chauffeur's daughter who learned her stuff in Paris!"

"All's fair in love . . . with Sabrina Fair and her men!"

"Paris is for lovers. Maybe that's why I stayed only 35 minutes."

"[voiceover] I have learned so many things, Father. Not just how to make vichyssoise or calf's head with sauce vinaigrette, but a much more important recipe. I have learned how to live, how to be in the world and of the world, and not just to stand aside and watch. And I will never, never again run away from life, or from love, either."

"Sex alleviates tension and love causes it."

"[about Maxwell] He's a wonderful guy and a terrific doctor. Never lost a patient! Got a couple of them pregnant, but never lost one."

"I didn't lie. I wasn't lying, Adrian. I was not lying. Do you want to know why I lied?"

"We can't have intercourse in the kitchen! There's a man in the next room singing The Lord's Prayer!"

"Close your eyes. Hold my hand."

"It's a planet that has been hiding behind the sun. Now it passes by us. It's called a flyby."

"Joe Ponazecki – Montgomery Shrapp"

"Tetchie Agbayani – Florinda Fielding"

"Douglass Watson – Walter Fielding, Sr."

"John van Dreelen – Carlos"

"Mia Dillon – Marika"

"Billy Lombardo – Benny"

"Brian Backer – Ethan"

"Carmine Caridi – Brad Shirk"

"Lucille Dorbin – Macumba Lady"

"Josh Mostel – Jack Schnittman"

"Philip Bosco – Curly"

"Joe Mantegna – Art Shirk"

"Maureen Stapleton – Estelle"

"Alexander Godunov – Max Beissart, the Maestro"

"Shelley Long – Anna Crowley Biessart / Anna Fielding"

"Tom Hanks – Walter Fielding, Jr."

"Yakov Smirnoff – Shatov"