"I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices, including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult-formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape. [applies aftershave; pretends to scream]"

"Diane Ladd - Nora Griswold"

"Brian Doyle-Murray - Mr. Frank Shirley"

"Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Margo Chester"

"Nicholas Guest - Todd Chester"

"Mae Questel - Aunt Bethany (final role)"

"William Hickey - Uncle Lewis"

"Ellen Hamilton Latzen - Cousin Ruby Sue Johnson"

"Cody Burger - Cousin Rocky Johnson"

"Miriam Flynn - Cousin Catherine Johnson"

"Randy Quaid - Cousin Edward "Eddie" Johnson"

"Doris Roberts - Frances Smith"

"E.G. Marshall - Art Smith"

"John Randolph - Clark Wilhelm Griswold, Sr."

"Johnny Galecki - Russell 'Rusty/Russ' Griswold"

"Juliette Lewis - Audrey Griswold"

"Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold"

"Chevy Chase - Clark Wilhelm "Sparky" Griswold, Jr."

"There's No Place Like Home for a Holiday!"

"Yule crack up!"

"Clark W. Griswold, Sr.: [extreme close-up] SQUIRREL!!!"

"Mr. Shirley: [picks up the phone receiver] Get me somebody. Anybody. And get me somebody while I'm waiting."

"Art: Hurry up, Clark. I'm freezing my baguettes off."

"Ellen Griswold: Welcome to our home - what's left of it."

"Ellen Griswold: I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery."

"Audrey Griswold: Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?"

"[after finding out that Clark has received a "Jelly of the Month" club membership in place of a bonus] Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year."

"Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here chair, it's a good quality item. If you don't mind my askin', how much did she set you back?"