"Listen... I know it's hard to believe when people say "I know how you feel"... but I actually know how you feel. You see, I was... seeing someone, back in London. We work for the same newspaper. Then I found he was seeing this other girl, Sarah, from the circulation department on the 19th floor. It turned out he wasn't in love with me like I thought. What I'm trying to say is... I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanely possible. How it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell, for that brief moment, you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that... however long "all that" may be... you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted... that will eventually begin to fade."

"Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you."

"You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for God's sake!"

"That would be confusing."

"I like corny. I'm looking for corny in my life."

"That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant."

"But I think what I've got is something slightly resembling, gumption. [Slams door shut in Jasper's face. Lifts hands up and screams with joy]"

"[first lines] I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms."

"Terri Snell - Leslie McCallister"

"Donald Trump - Himself"

"Clare Hoak - Carlotta"

"Ralph Foody - Johnny"

"Eddie Bracken - E.F. Duncan"

"Brenda Fricker - Pigeon Lady"

"Dana Ivey - Mrs. Stone"

"Rob Schneider - Cedric"

"Tim Curry - Mr. Hector"

"Anna Slotky - Brooke McCallister"

"Kieran Culkin - Fuller McCallister"

"Daiana Campeanu - Sondra McCallister"

"Senta Moses - Tracy McCallister"

"Jedidiah Cohen - Rod McCallister"

"Gerry Bamman - Frank McCallister"

"Mike Maronna - Jeff McCallister"

"Maureen Elisabeth Shay - Linnie McCallister"

"Hillary Wolf - Megan McCallister"

"Devon Ratray - Buzz McCallister"

"John Heard - Peter McCallister"

"Catherine O'Hara - Katie McCallister"

"Daniel Stern - Marvin "Marv" Merchants"

"Joe Pesci - Harry Lyme"

"Macaulay Culkin - Kevin McCallister"

"Guess Who's Alone in New York This Christmas!"

"Start Spreading the News... New York is a Real Scream!"

"First, He Was Home Alone, Now, He's Lost in New York."

"Yikes! I Did It Again!"

"He's Up Past His Bedtime in the City That Never Sleeps."

"Don't you know a kid always wins against two idiots?"

"Oh, no. My family's in Florida and I'm in New York. My family's in Florida... I'm in... New York?"

"This is it. No turning back. Another Christmas in the trenches."

"You can mess with a lot of things. But you can't mess with kids on Christmas."

"Merry Christmas. May I sit down?"

"Help, My house is being robbed. My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name's Murphy."

"Ralph Foody as Johnny"

"Terrie Snell as Aunt Leslie"

"Sandra Macat as Santa's Elf"

"Senta Moses as Tracy"

"Angela Goethals as Linnie"