"Proposition 69. To Krysta that number had one meaning, and one meaning only. To everyone else it was a proposition on the ballot to restrict the powers of the oppressive institution known as USIDent."

"This is the way the World ends. This is the way the World ends. This is the way the World ends. Not with a whimper, but with a bang."

"We're a bisexual nation living in denial. All because of a bunch of nerds. A bunch of nerds who got off a boat in the 15th century and decided that sex was something to be ashamed of. All the Pilgrims did was ruin the American Indian orgy of freedom."

"You know what, I like to get fucked, I like to get fucked hard. Okay, but you have to draw the line somewhere. I mean, violence is a big problem in our society today and I will not support it. That is the primary reason why I won't do anal."

"Join us for an in-depth discussion of the penetrating issues facing society today. Issues like abortion, terrorism, crime, poverty, social reform, quantum teleportation, teen horniness and war."

"[to Boxer] I love you, Jericho Cane."

"Scientists are saying the future is going to be far more futuristic than they originally predicted."

"The fourth dimension will collapse upon itself... you stupid bitch."

"I'm a pimp... and pimps don't commit suicide."

"Three days. Three final days. It all ends tonight."

"My character... he realizes that the apocalyptic crime rate is because of global deceleration. The rotation of the earth is slowing down at a rate of point zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero six miles per hour each day disrupting the chemical equilibrium in the human brain causing very irrational criminal behavior."

"Rick Aviles (final film voice role)"

"Tim Blake Nelson"

"Dave Chappelle"

"Jim Sterling"

"Jim Turner"

"Reginald Hudlin - Rodney"

"Billy West - Ralph"

"Solange Monnier - customer"

"Nick Zedd - customer"

"Graham Dewar - Pizza delivery guy"

"Richard "Moby" Hall"

"Paul Bartel - National Endowment for the Arts scout"

"Vincent Pastore - Apartment broker"

"David Huddleston - P.I. Smith"

"Shiek Mahmud-Bey - Vladimir Bianco"

"Jim Sterling - Jesus Bianco"

"Don Ho - Alberto Bianco"

"Robert Vaughn - Senator Dougherty"

"Sandra Denton - Blank"

"Jim Turner - Walter Shit"

"Megan Ward - Lily Dougherty"

"Jerry O'Connell - Joe F. Grotowski"

"Sex Bugs Rock 'n Roll."

"[trying to distract a cat with a comedy act] Anyone here from New Jersey? What exit? Bada-bing!"

"Giving up?! What made roaches outlast the dinosaurs? Because roaches never give up! They can stomp us, they can pop us, but they'll never ever stop us! And one day, the Great H bomb's gonna drop, and we'll have the whole stinkin' planet to ourselves!"

"Your apartment? I believe we were here first. And we'll be here last too. We've gotta long-time lease on this planet."

"A rent-controlled apartment is one where the rent's been frozen since like the forties. But places like that are hard to find because no one ever leaves them. Unless their landlord's give them a little help."

"[after Joe fails to impress anyone with his drumming skills] I'm sorry, there's not gonna be any rock n roll tonight. This is all that's left! This is all that's left of the rolling thunder of America's heartbeat!"

"[after saving Ralph's life from the cat] Yeah? Well, stop following me to work already! For god's sake."

"[trying to find the address where he is assigned to collect urinal cakes] East 161st Street and River Avenue? East 161st Street and River Avenue! [he finds it only to realize it's Yankee Stadium ]"

"[finding a cockroach on a half-eaten sandwich] That is the biggest, greasiest bug I've ever seen. [The cockroach flies off and Joe shrugs before taking a bite out of the sandwich]"

"[thinking about a letter he wants to write] Dear Mom, I arrived in New York, safe and sound. [a mugger jumps out from behind a bus, beats up Joe and takes some of his belongings] Dear Mom, I arrived in New York, safe and sound... (a second mugger a short distance away does the same thing) Dear Mom, I arrived in New York- [a third mugger does the same thing too] Dear Mom... [the last mugger holds a gun at Joe's head at gunpoint] please send money!"

"The B-52's - themselves but performing as the BC-52's"

"- Bamm-Bamm Rubble"

"- Pebbles Flintstone"

"Frank Welker - the voice of Deeno"

"Jonathan Winters - Grizzled Man"

"Dann Florek - Mr. Slate"