"I sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. And if that doesn't work out I'm thinking about getting a gun, and dealin' crack. Being a crack dealer. Not, like, a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly, like, "Hey, what's up guys? You want some crack?". I'm just kinda waiting on those two things to flesh themselves out."

"[running around on the track in his underwear, thinking he is on fire] Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!"

"Jesus Christ, what a fuckin' nightmare."

"Joe Nolan – Clarence "Screaming Buffalo" Swamptown"

"Ross Smith – Barclay Donaldson"

"Connie Madigan - Ross "Mad Dog" Madison"

"Paul Dooley – Hyannisport Announcer"

"Larry Block – Peterboro Referee"

"Barbara L. Shorts as Bluebird"

"Nancy N. Dowd – Andrea"

"Andrew Duncan – Jim Carr"

"Ned Dowd – Ogie Ogilthorpe"

"Blake Ball – Gilmore Tuttle"

"Christopher Murney – Tommy Hanrahan"

"Jean Rosario Tetreault – Bergeron (#8)"

"Guido Tenesi – Billy Charlebois (#5)"

"Ronald L. Docken – Lebrun (#30)"

"Paul D'Amato – Tim "Dr. Hook" McCracken"

"Swoosie Kurtz – Shirley Upton"

"M. Emmet Walsh – Dickie Dunn"

"Melinda Dillon – Suzanne Hanrahan"

"Kathryn Walker – Anita McCambridge"

"Matthew Cowles – Charlie"

"Yvan Ponton – Jean-Guy Drouin (#14)"

"Stephen Mendillo – Jim Ahern (#6)"

"Brad Sullivan – Morris "Mo" Wanchuk (#2)"

"Allan Nicholls – Johnny Upton (#12)"

"Yvon Barrette – Denis Lemieux (#1)"

"David Hanson – Jack Hanson (#16)"

"Steve Carlson – Steve Hanson (#17)"

"Jeff Carlson – Jeff Hanson (#18)"

"Jerry Houser – Dave "Killer" Carlson (#3)"

"Lindsay Crouse – Lily Braden"

"Jennifer Warren – Francine Dunlop"

"Michael Ontkean – Ned Braden (#10)"

"Strother Martin – Joe McGrath"

"Paul Newman – Reggie Dunlop (#7)"

"If this movie doesn't make you laugh, you better look up a psychiatric!!"

"you'll see Paul Newman doing things you'd never expect him to do... saying things you'd never expect him to say!"

"Slap Shot out slaps... out swears... out laughs..."

"Denis Lemieux: My h'allergy to those fucking fans, you know, has returned."

"Denis Lemieux: [discussing hockey rules and customs, in broken English] Icing 'appen when dee puck come down... Bang! You know... before dee udder guy. Nobody dere. My h'arm go comme ça, den dee game stop den start h'up."

"Jim Carr: I may be bald, but at least I'm not chicken-shit!"

"Ned Braden: You take the van, I'll keep the dog."

"Hey ya think they show Speed Racer here?"

"[to Ogie Ogilthorpe] Hi, Ogie! Buy ya a soda after the game?"

"Well Reg is our coach. Yeah, sure, Old Time Hockey! Like Eddie Shore. Eddie Shore, yeah. Coach... our line starts?"

"[baiting the opposing goalie from behind the net] Hey, Hanrahan! Hanrahan!...Hey, Hanrahan! Suzanne sucks pussy!...Hey, Hanrahan, she's a dyke! I know! I know!...She's a lesbian! A lesbian! A lesbian!"

"I'd like to place a personal bounty on the head of Tim McCracken. He's the coach and chief punk on that Syracuse team."

"You know what the difference between hitting .250 and .300 is? It's 25 hits. 25 hits in 500 at-bats is 50 points, okay? There's six months in a season; that's about twenty-five weeks. That means if you get just one extra flare a week, just one; A gork, a groundball—you get a groundball with eyes—you get a dying quail...just one more dying quail a week, and you're in Yankee Stadium."